I didn't read through all the entries but another suggestion is get some simulator time, and maybe in a full-motion level-D simulator, but this is not necessary. One thing I've always noticed is that the simulator very nearly resembles the real thing. Shot several approaches with misses. Imagine that you are in the airplane. Imagine what it would feel like. Work on your scan, believe the instruments, and don't delay on any one instrument. Work on forming a mental picture of where you are in the approach as if you were watching a moving.
Then go out and shot night approaches somewhere REALLY dark where your peripheral can't play tricks on you.
Believing your instruments is the key. Try not to move your head and just move your eyes. If you have to move your head, move it slowly and with purpose. Are you keeping your eyes going, not focusing too much on one instrument?
You'll get past it with practice, but you have done the right thing to listen to your comfort level and not fly actual till you are ready. However, with that said, for some that is just the ticket. Get out there, believe in yourself and fly some actual, all the while remember your training.
If you need a refresher and a fresh perspective, visit
PilotWorkshops.com IFR Proficiency Series. Really great stuff!
Anyway, good luck! Update us on how you are doing.
Jeff