Advice for Female Pilots, What About Marriage
04-19-2014, 09:54 AM
#21
What’s it doing now?
Joined APC: Mar 2011
Position: 190CA
Posts: 726
There are so many different examples of couples doing it wrong and so many of them doing it right. Have to find what works for you. Even outside of aviation it is very hard for both members of a marriage to find great jobs in the same town where one isn't sacrificing for the other.
I'll only add what two grey haired US Air pilots told me when I was a new turboprop FO jump seating. Don't wait on this career to live your life. Don't say "I'll get married/have kids/buy a home/whatever when I get a raise/upgrade/work for a major". Too many times it will take longer than you think and you will have spent your life putting work before everything else that's really important.
An oldie but a goodie to reiterate the point:
The story of the Professor and the Jar | Juvenate
I'll only add what two grey haired US Air pilots told me when I was a new turboprop FO jump seating. Don't wait on this career to live your life. Don't say "I'll get married/have kids/buy a home/whatever when I get a raise/upgrade/work for a major". Too many times it will take longer than you think and you will have spent your life putting work before everything else that's really important.
An oldie but a goodie to reiterate the point:
The story of the Professor and the Jar | Juvenate
04-21-2014, 04:51 AM
#24
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Joined APC: Apr 2014
Position: building time...still...
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by Don Ramon
I am living proof this is a fact. It sure was in my life.
So are you not flying at all, flying less than you intended, or ? Do you think the same result would have happened with any career you pursued or just flying?
04-21-2014, 05:51 AM
#25
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Feb 2014
Position: 737-Right
Posts: 781
Originally Posted by AKpilot
IMO…..DO NOT get married Till you get your career job and are settled in for a few years. Enjoy your freedom and schedule and the ability to travel. SEE the World. DO NOT get hooked up with someone that is locked into a 9-5 M-F job. Travel all you can. Learn to do it by yourself. Or find a friend that has a flexible schedule that is compatible to travel with. You will have much better schedules if you fly weekends. If you are flying 75-90 hours a month plan on 10-12 nights in a hotel. The person you like in your 20's may not be the one you like in your 30's-40's. SPOUSES (and kids) ARE DREAM KILLERS.
This goes for Males and Females.
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.”
Mark Twain
This goes for Males and Females.
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.”
Mark Twain
04-21-2014, 06:57 AM
#26
Prime Minister/Moderator
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: Engines Turn Or People Swim
Posts: 39,211
Originally Posted by Loon
Talk about narrow-minded! Don't listen to this guy; everyone's situation is unique.
Either the spouse makes you quit, killing the dream or worse you end up divorced with kids in which case you're financially handcuffed to your current gig, and geographically constrained to the kids. Hard to take the paycut and sit reserve at LGA when the ex and kids are in SMF and need alimony and child support. Some of these guys just desperately want out of aviation but they can't even afford to re-train and start a new career. Chained to the left seat of a CRJ like an ancient galley slave...
Family is certainly the priority once you have one, but I wouldn't jump into that too early if you're a professional pilot. Trust me, it works better if you wait till a little later in your career. Flip side is if you wait too long, you might end up rich, lonely, and with a lot of free time on your hands.
I've been fortunate enough to not get caught up in this sort of mess, but I've certainly seen plenty of it. Definitely worth considering.
04-21-2014, 09:24 AM
#27
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Feb 2014
Position: 737-Right
Posts: 781
Originally Posted by rickair7777
He might not be quite as narrow-minded as you think. I've seen it play out dozens of times with friends in both aviation and the military.
Either the spouse makes you quit, killing the dream or worse you end up divorced with kids in which case you're financially handcuffed to your current gig, and geographically constrained to the kids. Hard to take the paycut and sit reserve at LGA when the ex and kids are in SMF and need alimony and child support. Some of these guys just desperately want out of aviation but they can't even afford to re-train and start a new career. Chained to the left seat of a CRJ like an ancient galley slave...
Family is certainly the priority once you have one, but I wouldn't jump into that too early if you're a professional pilot. Trust me, it works better if you wait till a little later in your career. Flip side is if you wait too long, you might end up rich, lonely, and with a lot of free time on your hands.
I've been fortunate enough to not get caught up in this sort of mess, but I've certainly seen plenty of it. Definitely worth considering.
Either the spouse makes you quit, killing the dream or worse you end up divorced with kids in which case you're financially handcuffed to your current gig, and geographically constrained to the kids. Hard to take the paycut and sit reserve at LGA when the ex and kids are in SMF and need alimony and child support. Some of these guys just desperately want out of aviation but they can't even afford to re-train and start a new career. Chained to the left seat of a CRJ like an ancient galley slave...
Family is certainly the priority once you have one, but I wouldn't jump into that too early if you're a professional pilot. Trust me, it works better if you wait till a little later in your career. Flip side is if you wait too long, you might end up rich, lonely, and with a lot of free time on your hands.
I've been fortunate enough to not get caught up in this sort of mess, but I've certainly seen plenty of it. Definitely worth considering.
04-21-2014, 02:51 PM
#28
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Joined APC: Aug 2012
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by chicwithwings
Sorry @DonRamon So are you not flying at all, flying less than you intended, or ? Do you think the same result would have happened with any career you pursued or just flying?
So are you not flying at all, flying less than you intended, or ? Do you think the same result would have happened with any career you pursued or just flying?I am flying now, and very happy / satisfied with my life now...just regret that I didn't get a good start until I was over 45. But, I know too that everything happens for a reason. Had things happened differently, I probably would not have ever met my current wife. I met her after I started flying and this is the only life she knows so she is perfectly happy.
Guys / girls, get YOUR stuff together and get YOUR career started before getting settled in with your significant other. That's my .02
04-21-2014, 04:39 PM
#29
Prime Minister/Moderator
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: Engines Turn Or People Swim
Posts: 39,211
Originally Posted by Loon
Please, he blatantly said DO NOT GET MARRIED. Each individual situation is tailor-made. Yes, he is narrow-minded with that comment.
04-21-2014, 07:59 PM
#30
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Aug 2010
Posts: 278
Originally Posted by chicwithwings
But I'm looking for the good, the bad and the ugly on how it works if the wife is a pilot. And what if both are pilots? Any tales to tell?
Women in Aviation, International Official Site
Many would disagree but I believe FedEx has the potential for better schedules than most airlines and are more user friendly for families and especially wives and mothers when you get a little seniority. There is such a variety of flying. Some pilot moms bid out and back trips so they are home everyday. Others stay senior in their seat and delay upgrade to Captain to get schedules that fit their lifestyle. Some drop and giveaway trips for further quality of life. Of course, things could change!
My suggestion is to try and connect with women in the profession and get some valuable input to prepare for your long term goals.
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