Airplane Junkie

Don't know if this is true or not, but it sure was funny!


UPS pilots



Just in case you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high

school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly

routinely in our jobs.



After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe

sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The

mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form,

and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here

are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots

(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an

S) by maintenance engineers.



By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.



P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last..................



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

HughJarse 747

Dude, I have seen this about 100 times before. About 10 years ago it came out as a Qantas Airlines gripe sheet and then it changed to British Airways, then it became insert your airline here to make fun of their pilots. It is funny, but not true.

kronan

No accidents at UPS huh

weren't there some pictures floating around about an airplane burning?

what about the md-11 at DFW 14 Nov 06 (20061114025179C)
the 767 at IAH (20051215029949C)
the MD-11 at SDF (20050607
the 757 at West Palm Beach (20030124006669C)
the 747 at ONT (20021015030929C)
the 747 at ANC (20010718018579C)
the DC8 at ORD (19990817039319C)

Airplane Junkie

Was wondering about that. First time I've seen it.

⌐ AV8OR WANNABE

I think there's a difference between accidents and mishaps and/or incidents? Maybe that's what this email is about? …and yes, I've seen this email many times before, each time regarding a different airline...

Pilot7576

What happened to the original thread???

non-sequitur...

Pilot7576

Jetjok

Here's two write-ups I made years ago, the first time I was a f/e on the 727. Now, of course, I've too much experience to make such poor entries:

1. Lav flush motor provides insufficient pressure to get the really big ones.

2. Left pack switch works 50% of the time. Only works correctly in the OFF position.

Both got big laughs from the mechanics, which proves that those guys do in fact have good senses of humor.

kronan

those were only the ones that dinged an airplane (skipped all the ones that were gnd folks related). i was surprised to find so many landing mishaps for UPS, guess they just don't get the similar bad landing slams for their MD11s/747s the way FedEx does.

the one that surprised me the most was one of the MD11 ones, hard landing at anchorage if I recall correctly, followed by a gear failure at the next stop.

blastboy

Never seen this gripe sheet. Funny stuff!

HSLD