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Back when I was an instructor, one of our school's students was on his first solo cross country when he was asked by ATC, "Cessna XXX, Say Altitude." Without missing a beat, but in an unsure voice, he replied "Altitude!". The controller was not impressed.
I was going into an airport one day in the late 1990's and heard the controller tell a Delta plane to make a right 360 for spacing on a G/A plane. The Delta crew responded, "Do you understand that turn would cost my company $500?" The controller said, "Roger. Delta xxx make a right $500 turn for spacing."
I was flying an Army C-12 in Northern California one night listening to the VHF side of a converstion between ATC and an Air Force tanker. It sounded so good we tuned up UHF to get both sides. What we finally heard from the tanker was they'd like to go to a certain point in space and it was defined as, "...xx miles off of the ABC VOR 3-8-0 degree radial." If that wasn't bad enough, the control responed in kind and gave them the clearance. After 15-30 seconds of silence, I couldn't stand it and had to ask if that equated to the 020 degree radial. No response. Maybe I missed something in ground school?!
Traffic was a straight wing Slowtation that had just switched to tower following a Chautauqua ERJ on the visual approach.
"Tower, Citation 1234, visual for 20, behind the ERJ."
"Citation 1234, Richmond tower roger, cleared to land, Runway 20... ahhh you have the ERJ in sight sir? Your indicating 90 knots faster."
"Geeze- and they make fun of us for being slow..."
IND: "Delta 1234, contact Cleveland on 123.2"
Delta: "24.2, Delta 1234"
Immediately after Delta's transmission:
IND: "Delta 1234, sorry, I gave you the wrong freq. Should be 132.2, you still there?"
Delta:"Nope, too late!"
The controller tell a Delta plane to make a right 360 for spacing on a G/A plane. The Delta crew responded, "Do you understand that turn would cost my company $500?" The controller said, "Roger. Delta xxx make a right $500 turn for spacing."
I think that is similar to a famous aviation joke.
"Delta 1234, make a right 360 for spacing"...
Delta responds "Do you know that a 180 costs us $500 dollars!"
"Ok, Delta 1234 give me $1000 dollars worth"
Once upon a time I heard this over ATC frequency in Milton Florida while instead of transmitting to the instructor a student transmitted to the world.
Student: "Sorry Sir that was all F**ked up.
ATC: "Aircraft that just said something say call-sign"
and with out looseing a beat this was the responce.
Instructor:" Roger, he said he was f**hed up, not stupid"
Working for Continental Connection in Florida, in our Beech 1900D and enroute from Tampa to Pensacola, the Captain and I heard a C-172 say something along the lines of, "Hello Jax Center... Cessna N****, just departed Panama City, VFR, requesting radar vectors to North Las Vegas airport..."
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