marinepilot

Left out of NAS Whiting in Milton, FL to reposition a plane to PNS for weekend operations one lazy & hazy Friday afternoon and as I'm turning direct to PNS, I get this call:

ATC: BlackBird 123, traffic at 11 o'clock, 4 miles, regional jet for 17 vis at Pensacola
Me: Negative contact for BB 123.

After a minute or so...
ATC: BB 123, traffic 11 o'clock, 3 miles, same altitude, regional jet on extended left base for visual 17 at Pensacola.
Me: Negative contact, BB 123. (I did mention it was hazy, right?)

Right away,
ATC: BB 123, traffic approaching your 12 o'clock, 2 miles, same altitude, regional jet, a big white tube with wings and a red and blue tail crossing from your left to right, do you have him in sight?
Me: (Finally seeing him through the haze) Roger! BB 123 has the big white tube in sight! I'll follow him to 17 at Pensacola!

Unfortunately for me, there were at least 5 other instructors on frequency doing the same thing. Needless to say, I STILL get ragged about that one!

bhndthecns

A little more on the razzling side...

Flying into a small airport near DAB, we were in a PA-44 doing a practice appraoch into an uncontrolled field...

Approach handed us off, and we made several calls for the straight-in on the GPS app. When we were on about a 3 mile final a Cessna cuts in front of us. I quickly responded that we had the Cessna in sight that just cut us off less than 2 miles in front of us, we'd try to slow down to accommodate (which really isn't that big of an issue to slow down). Immediately he responded, "It's VFR conditions, instrument approaches not in affect here!"

Low Time

Tower(to flight school 172): Report 2 mile left base for runway 34 left.

172(heavy Jamaican accent): Roger, do you want nautical or statute miles?

JustAMushroom

Delta 123 there is traffic at 1oclock a 4 miles-report traffic.

Negative contact

Delta 123 that traffic is 12oclock and 3 miles.

No joy.

Delta 123 slow to final approcah speed now, your cleard for the ILS 34R.

(After landing).....Delta 123 we have a phone number for you-ready to copy?

Go ahead

"(555)123-4567"

Delta 123 copies..whos number is this tower or tracons?

Neither..its Pearl Visions!!

etops777

I was flying from Tulsa to Dallas, when I heard a Bonanza check in on Fort Worth Center: Fort Worth Center Bonanza 1234 WITH YOU

(hate that) at 7,500 bla bla bla.

Center comes on and says squawk 0123. After a while the center asks the Bonanza to squawk altitude.

The next transmission I hear is the craziest thing:

Bonanza 1234 confirm squawk please, he replies yes squawking 7500. Center comes on screaming (with bells going off in the background);

Sir, 7500 is the Hijack code, you need to be squawking the code I gave you. You have the whole nation alarmed.

4everFO

Just after Trans States started flying UAX flights into ORD:

ATC: Waterski XXXX, right turn, taxi Bravo Echo runway 4L

Waterski: Roger, taxi Bravo, Echo 4L
( they then make the right turn onto A instead of B and they find themselves nose to nose with a AA 777 under tow from the hanger)

Waterski: Uh, Waterski, uh, we made the right onto A, what would you like us to do?

ATC: I want you to go away....but that is not going to happen, now is it?

ryane946

Heard this the other day. Have heard similar calls, but none quite this good.

"Front Range tower, Cessna 1234A, we are over falcon lake, for a full stop landing, with information... ... Ah damn, I'll call you back."

mike734

That reminds me of a time I was sitting in a tower as a pvt pilot getting to know my local controllers. Some guy was really getting under the skin of the controller. He was talking too much, blocking other transmissions and generally making a nuisance of himself. When he asked for some departure to the West the controller said, "Cleared for a Bay Meadows departure." Then (after releasing the mic button), "Just get the hell out of my sky!"

ryane946

"Just get the hell out of my sky."

That's funny. SQL is a funny little airport. You really have to be on the ball, and the more help you can get from the controllers, the better. They usually give you some detailed instructions.
Something like "Cessna 1234A, bay meadows departure approved, no left turn prior to the racetrack, and stay below 1500 east of 101 and south of 92, clear for takeoff, wind 290 at 6."

atpwannabe

I don't have any. All are really funny, but I must say the one about the female controller sounding like the pilot's wife is hilarious . I got tears in my eyes from that one.