Up for this topic, as I feel anxiety a lot...
Im young european pilot, (26), just got job last year as F/O in summer for LCC in asia, with Bond type rating on 320.
During line training things went well, until I had some tough instructors.
Plus, i was quite tired due to schedule, sometimes very late, sometimes very early etc I think I have difficulties to adapt.
Night after nights I had issues to sleep, and had anxiety, a lot.
I couldnt sleep all night and had flight very early.
I feel very stressed if I had to fly with some capt instructor, strict, and shouting.
Plus, i heard after line trinaing, even other capt (some) were like that...
I am afraid i have diffciult to adapt myself in such team environment.
Some colleagues, just deal with it, and do not seem to care....
But me, all the time i need to know, who is who, who is nice or not.
Everytime, coming back home and cheking my schedule, I had difficulties to breath when I open my email.
When I was OFF, I was veyr happy and relax.
At this moment i noticed there was something wrong with me.
"how come a passionate like me about aviation, since my childhood, can be better when being OFF ?" (I should be happy to fly!)
Since that, anxiety started to increase a lot.
When my alarm for wake up rang, I was so stressful...
Every night, then, could not sleep, became nervous, had hurt in stomach and could not breath normally.
Then I canceled my flight, and went to doctor for a certificate...
I came back in europe and then i went to therapist and relax for the moment.
My doctor told me it's a like a Burnout.
Now I don't feel good to come back in asia. Every morning when I wake up, seems for me I wake up in my last apartment (in asia) and feel stressed... so I did not recover yet.
The thing is, I feel nothing now, I feel empty and have a dellusion too.
It was my dream, I focused only on that, and now I just see it as a job, with many dark sides too.
Now, I changed my mind a lot, before, i wanted to go anywhere at any price for being pilot, and now, i prefer to have good health and enjoy life even if I don't fly big jet.
I suffered a lot inside, and got sick too due too stress...(headaches, stomach, red dry skin on my face etc)
so, my objective is to Live.
Maybe I am too sensitive person, and can not adapt myself in such job. I don't know
It's been one month, i am under certificate for stop working.
I talked to some freinds here, my family...it's difficult because many give me differents advices :
"do what you feel, it's your choice"
"recover soon, and go back, you will regret otherwise, fly 500h on type and find in europe another airline"
The thing is, now I don't know what I want to be. Airline pilot ?maybe but in a legacy then, but for LCC, is really not for me I guess.
Or sometimes, i dream about flying just in small planes around islands .
But doing 500 hours and then, go back for a LCC again probably, I don't see the point...
anyway, I don't know yet
The problem, is I feel so bad, because i spent money, a lot as you know. And maybe I discovered that airline pilot is not for me ?
Then i am under bond contract and if I resign, i need to refund.
I feel stress too about it.
Plus, I am young, I did not even have 100h on type, and I am already grounded. It's not as if I was flying 20 years and feel tired of it.
I am here to share this and find if some pilots lived the same thing ?
I am wondering too, if it's possible to lose a passion ? I feel like, I lost everything (goal, passion...).
Thank you very much for reading,