Thread: Tool of the day
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Old 05-17-2015, 09:06 AM
  #6214  
SayAlt
Gets Weekends Off
 
Joined APC: Oct 2014
Position: Downward-Facing Dog Pose
Posts: 1,537
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CA or "old emotional support dog"

People are constantly putting a mirror under your nose while you nap to see if you're breathing.

Your top three favorite pastimes involve sleep.

Your spare tire is larger than your car's.

You are declined as an organ donor because you're told they're not sure if your organs are functional.

The fire department attends your birthday party in case the candles on your cake get out of hand.

Everyone is happy to give you a ride because they don't want you behind the wheel.

A passing funeral procession pauses to see if you need a lift.

You convince an attractive young lady to sleep with you but fail to convince your body parts to arise to the occasion.

Young girls feel safe in your presence knowing you couldn't possibly do anything.

The only females who pursue you are mosquitoes who need your blood to lay their eggs.


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