Originally Posted by
bigbrownthrow
Flying for 12 years. Using a different account. Lots of time away from home.
I agree with 742Dash about having a strong, independent partner. I think my marriage has been successful because, in addition to my partner being independent and strong, I have worked really hard to be supportive from afar. We have found what works for us. It's not all about the partner. It's about us pilots too. Rough schedules and time differences don't mean we get a pass on being great partners. So yes, your partner does matter, but so does your attitude. The little things go a long way.
This is a two way street, you are absolutely right about that. When the kids were young our deal was 36 hours -- then I was single Dad and my wife had some free time (more or less). And as No Land 3 points out, there is always a degree of luck. People change as they age, and hopefully a marriage can change in rough unison.
But in the list of things that the modern pilot training model leaves far too late for "reality realization", I think that this is big one. I have sat there more than once on the ride to a HKG departure listening to the FO ranting on his wife and thinking "S-TFU and tell her that what she did was just fine."
On the other side of the coin my wife pointed out to me a "dear Abby" from last week about a corporate pilot whose new wife wanted him home every night. My wife's view was WTF did she expect?
I am a dinosaur, I get that. But this current pilot training pipeline does not serve young-would-be pilots well.