Originally Posted by WatchThis!
A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts". She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts." "That's it!" She blows her top, "You ba**trd! You waltz in here, flop your fat butt down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh sh*t, it's started."
In the same vein...someone sent me this one today at work.
Man of the House...
The husband had just finished reading a new book
entitled "You Can Be the Man of Your House."
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, "From
now on, you need to know that I am the man of this
house and my word is law! You will prepare me a
gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my
meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner you are going to go upstairs with me, and
we will have the kind of sex that I want. After that,
you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax.
You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then you will massage my feet and hands.
Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me
and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The 'f*ckin' Funeral Director
would be my guess."