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Child custody issues

Old 02-22-2010, 04:01 PM
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Default Child custody issues

Has anyone gotten a divorce with a small child involved? I am trying to figure out what type of custody to seek, and with my schedule, week on/week off probably will not work. I know that in some states there is a type of formula and agreement for this, but not in AZ. Anyone with any help would sure be appreciated.

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Old 02-22-2010, 04:15 PM
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If your schedule has you gone often where you could not be a daily caregiver for the child/children, then you could agree to the mother having sole physical custody, but you still retain joint custody - meaning that certain decisions have to be made by both of you, she couldn't just pick up and leave the country without your ok, medical decisions made jointly, schooling, religion, etc...
As far as visitation goes - well that can be decided between you and the mother too. Examples - 2 weeks in the summer, every other major holiday, 1 week in the spring and fall, etc....
Visitation can be very tricky I'll have to say. I have a friend who had a not so great divorce and his ex-wife often does things to mess up the visitation rights (one side of the story of course - there is always a rebuttal isn't there?)

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Old 02-22-2010, 05:18 PM
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Fat Frankie,

Go for an Airline Pilot Possession Order. More on that here: Airline pilot possession order

Also view this video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow_v5xzTuBo

Best of luck.
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Old 02-22-2010, 05:59 PM
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First off...Sorry to hear about your divorce, or congratulations, depending on how you feel about it. No matter what, it is a tough thing to go through, so be sure when you fly your mind is on the game and don't feel bad about calling in sick if you are not mentally fit to fly. It gets better over time.

I separated from my ex-wife in 2001, divorce was finalized in 2003. My children were 6 and 11 at the time. I can't say I know what the judge would have done, because I was able to persuade her that avoiding court was best for all involved, especially the kids. It cost me giving up some monetary gains, but the agreement we ended up with was joint legal custody with her having primary physical custody.

The BIG thing I got was that we agreed I would get the kids on ALL my days off, up to a max of 15 per month to be fair. As I was a lineholder at the time, I usually had my kids 15 days a month. The stipulation was that she had to give me specific day requests that she wanted them by the 10th of the prior month so I could try to bid to work those days so she could have them. I had to give her the month's schedule by the 30th of the month for the following month. That way I had time to not only bid, but trade when trip trading opened the 27th of the month, so that I had the best chance of working around the days she wanted them. I also agreed that I would always let her have them at least 2 weekends a month, even if I had every weekend off, so sometimes that meant giving up a few days.

In Virginia the shared custody rules for figuring support take effect if you have the kids over 90 days per year, so I applied those as well, which reduced the amount of support I paid since I had the kids half of every month. As for holidays, our agreement only worked because we agreed to be flexible. We had no set plan for holidays but only agreed to remain flexible with recognition of my schedule as a pilot and the fact that I may not get holidays off every year, so some years I may have them two in a row.

This all worked because I only lived a few miles from my ex, so I was able to take the kids to school and pick them up on the days I had them. I hated living here, but stayed to be close to the kids.

Now, my oldest is 20 and out of the house, and I have full legal and physical custody of my youngest, who is 15 now. That happened when my ex got a second divorce and found herself homeless and living with a woman who did drugs. Funny, I diligently paid support all those years to her without ever being late or short, yet I have never seen a dime of child-support from her in over 2 years of having full custody. Its not worth the hassle to me to go after it at this point.

I have known several pilots who have full custody, and many of them have arrangements similar to what I had. If you would like I can see if I can find my old agreement and fax a copy to you, just PM me.

Good luck!

Brett
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Old 02-23-2010, 11:58 AM
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Thanks for the info guys, its a matter of time before i have to go through this.
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Old 02-20-2011, 08:05 PM
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How does one get full custody of a child as a pilot!?!? Bret? I have attempted to PM you but it appears that my profile has restricted access since I just signed up.
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Old 02-21-2011, 12:43 PM
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I am in a custody battle with my 3 year old sons father now and have had issues with convincing a judge to give joint custody. The last hearing the judge looked at my variable work schedule, and granted the father temporary full custody since he has been unemployed for the past 3 years and is able to stay at home all day with my son (meaning he sits on the couch watching TV all day at his parents, so he feels he should be able to collect child support from me)

My lawyer says its possible to get a non traditional parenting plan which is very flexible around a pilots work schedule, and still allow joint 50/50 custody. While it won't state specific days/weeks of a month the pilot must have the child, it will say the other parent must be able to allow flexibility in visitation around the pilots schedule.
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Old 02-21-2011, 01:14 PM
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ANYTHING and EVERYTHING is negotiable in a divorce, including custody issues. The county will have a Standard Parenting Plan in case an agreement cannot be reached. You need to know what that says to give yourself a starting point in negotiations. I lost custody because of this career.

The Court will make its ruling based on "the best interests of the child". Craft your position with that standard in mind. Focus on what is best for the children and not what is best for you; that will give you the best shot at a favorable outcome. Immediately after the divorce, the legal standard changes from "best interests of the child" to "a substantial change in circumstances", so altering a custody agreement later can be extremely difficult. Regardless of how bad things might be for the children, if those are the circumstances that existed at the time of divorce, the "substantial change" standard might not be met and leave you up the proverbial creek. Take it from one who's been there.

Finally, go to the library (maybe online) and read the Family Code from start to finish.

Last edited by JobHopper; 02-21-2011 at 01:26 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 02-22-2011, 04:09 AM
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Originally Posted by TI 3VOM View Post
I am in a custody battle with my 3 year old sons father now and have had issues with convincing a judge to give joint custody. The last hearing the judge looked at my variable work schedule, and granted the father temporary full custody since he has been unemployed for the past 3 years and is able to stay at home all day with my son (meaning he sits on the couch watching TV all day at his parents, so he feels he should be able to collect child support from me)

My lawyer says its possible to get a non traditional parenting plan which is very flexible around a pilots work schedule, and still allow joint 50/50 custody. While it won't state specific days/weeks of a month the pilot must have the child, it will say the other parent must be able to allow flexibility in visitation around the pilots schedule.
WOW this sounds like the mirror image of my situation. My wife is a college student and has moved back in with her parents. We got standard, knowing good and well I could not get weekends off with my seniority, so she is doing her best to take my son away completely. She cheated and left the marriage.

What state are you in?
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Old 02-22-2011, 08:18 AM
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I too am a father of three, a corporate pilot and in 2009 received full physical/legal custody of my three children(15/7/7yo), in the state of California. I would avoid court at ALL cost, as tausap mentioned. Mediation if possibe, and don't expect it to take only one appointment, I attempted 6 times(she never showed).

At $450/hr. it cost me in excess of $90k in lawyer fees alone, in a two year battle with a very vendictive ex-wife of 14years. My ex dragged the children through an emotional roller coaster, which I would have paid anything to avoid!!

What she failed to understand, or ever acknowledge, was that the entire process is not about YOU, but is about the well being of the children! The final decission must be in the best interest of the children!! This is most important, if both sides can focus on this, and put aside differences, money, property, hurt, then you have a very good chance of mediating a very agreeable custody order(which remember can be adjusted at a later time, as long as you have some shared %). Don't get caught up in the numbers, its difficult, but remember it's about the children.

For her, she believed divorce was a battle between two parents, and stated many times she would not go down without a fight! wrong attitude, and many VERY poor decissions on her part. She now has monitored visitation, only 8hrs a month, no phone, text, web, communication, not allowed to visit the school or any after school activities without a third party monitor which she has to pay. I would not wish this on anyone, and would have accepted a %/% order under much different circumstances, had she made much better choices.

I hope this helps, more than willing to provide additional information, lawyer #'s, advice, ect.
and yes on her part, drugs, arrest, life-style, testimony by third party, Psych. Dr. evaluations, minors council, no-shows to court dates, where all involved in the final rulling.
sk
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