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Old 12-29-2020, 08:57 PM   #21  
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1. Learn the art of radio silence. The lawyers will listen to you and yours complain, whine and set strategy all day long......for 300/hour.....be prepared to spend thousands explaining to your lawyer, who will then try to explain to her lawyer, who will then have to explain to a judge how you are paid. Lawyers make money when people donít get along. Judges donít want to have to set a ruling, they want ďagreed ordersĒ. ďAgreed ordersĒ save everyone money, except the lawyers.

2. Radio silence with the ex also. She most likely wonít ever see your side, or admit to it.

3. Kids see everything, when they are teenagers, they eventually get thru the chaff.

4. Paying ďextraĒ and doing the right thing, doesnít always pay dividends.....prepare to be disappointed.

5. Ups and downs, canít unscramble eggs! Do the best you can, be a good dad. Thatís the golden ticket....
Sage advice for sure. Thank you
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Old 12-29-2020, 09:17 PM   #22  
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I lurk on chit chat also and put it out there. Unfortunately my wife got to a pretty good divorce lawyer before I could pull a block, but good for her. On the positive side this lawyer, in addition to my wifeís friend who is also a lawyer, gave her the same advice that she isnít going to get as much as she was hoping for ie everything and her lifestyle doesnít change. Nobody is winning in a divorce. I feel for her, We had big dreams and those have changed. Itís sucks but it will be better than what was and who knows what the future holds.
[email protected]

I have had great interactions with Christina. She is with Pilot Family Matters. I would reach out to her as a resource.
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Old 12-29-2020, 09:21 PM   #23  
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[email protected]

I have had great interactions with Christina. She is with Pilot Family Matters. I would reach out to her as a resource.
Thank you I will.
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Old 12-30-2020, 06:48 AM   #24  
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Always remember that divorce attorneys make money by promoting conflict not resolution. Sometimes fighting to the last nickel is not the smart strategy. Donít let it become personal and about winning and losing. Hopefully your ex will feel the same. Mediation can be a great tool.
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Old 12-30-2020, 08:29 AM   #25  
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Having watched numerous divorces (not me) If you can work it out without a lawyer, you will come out better than getting into court. You are a rich airline pilot. she is a stay at home wife. The courts will fry you.
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Old 12-30-2020, 12:01 PM   #26  
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Any recommendations for a good divorce lawyer on the northside?
just when I thought 2020 couldnít get worse and with only a couple of days to go!
Thanks
PM sent....
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Old 12-30-2020, 12:15 PM   #27  
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Having watched numerous divorces (not me) If you can work it out without a lawyer, you will come out better than getting into court. You are a rich airline pilot. she is a stay at home wife. The courts will fry you.
I've heard much the same.

Also this: Magnanimous gestures and mercy are for after the battle (such as it is) is won, not before.

If the big "d" visits you, statistically speaking it's been filed for by your wife. Harden your heart. She already has.

Used to think women were the romantics, men were the steely-eyed pragmatists. This is exactly backwards.
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Old 12-30-2020, 02:04 PM   #28  
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I've heard much the same.

Also this: Magnanimous gestures and mercy are for after the battle (such as it is) is won, not before.

If the big "d" visits you, statistically speaking it's been filed for by your wife. Harden your heart. She already has.

Used to think women were the romantics, men were the steely-eyed pragmatists. This is exactly backwards.
^^^ This ^^^
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Old 12-30-2020, 03:40 PM   #29  
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I've heard much the same.

Also this: Magnanimous gestures and mercy are for after the battle (such as it is) is won, not before.

If the big "d" visits you, statistically speaking it's been filed for by your wife. Harden your heart. She already has.

Used to think women were the romantics, men were the steely-eyed pragmatists. This is exactly backwards.
I would add, as Bucking said above, that if you can come to a mediated agreement, thatís obviously the preferred solution, but you have to close that out fairly rapidly.

The problem is that while your soon-to-be-ex spouse may be a rational person taken by themselves, as soon as the family/friends element kicks in, your hope is probably lost. The pinging, which goes on 24/7 of what they ďshould doĒ, is relentless. Of course, none of the people making those suggestions are on the hook for any of the consequences.

Iíve seen people on track to a mediated resolution have it all fall apart once the family/friend element got involved, and it turned into a multi-year train wreck where everyone came off worse.

Play to win. Once the fun starts, Iíve never seen any generosity repaid in kind. If you want to be magnanimous, thereís time for that after the decree is final.
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Old 12-30-2020, 04:46 PM   #30  
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I would add, as Bucking said above, that if you can come to a mediated agreement, thatís obviously the preferred solution, but you have to close that out fairly rapidly.

The problem is that while your soon-to-be-ex spouse may be a rational person taken by themselves, as soon as the family/friends element kicks in, your hope is probably lost. The pinging, which goes on 24/7 of what they ďshould doĒ, is relentless. Of course, none of the people making those suggestions are on the hook for any of the consequences.

Iíve seen people on track to a mediated resolution have it all fall apart once the family/friend element got involved, and it turned into a multi-year train wreck where everyone came off worse.

Play to win. Once the fun starts, Iíve never seen any generosity repaid in kind. If you want to be magnanimous, thereís time for that after the decree is final.
Unfortunately I have already witnessed the influence of friends. To them itís a great drama they get to be a part of but arenít affected by. Mediation would be great but she is digging in her heels and going scorched earth so I donít think itís an option. So far any generosity has not been reciprocated. As somebody earlier said I need to start hardening my heart.
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