jaxsurf

Some of the divorce discussions over the years (here and elsewhere), always get me thinking about marriage, and why high-earning men even get married (to low earners). It just doesn't make sense to me from a risk analysis point of view. I'm generally in support of marriage, and would one day like to get married, because I do think it's good for people, for communities, and for society. But if you're a multi-millionaire or a billionaire, why would you even bother? Having that amount of money would significantly change the equation for me. It's not that I wouldn't ever be able to trust someone that they have the best of intentions and are truly in love going into a marriage, it's that the deck is so incredibly stacked against the high earner in the event of divorce that it would seem to definitely favor not getting married.

It's not even that I dislike alimony or child support, I think they are both fine concepts and they need to exist, it's just that it seems like more often than not they're applied incredibly unfairly. A couple could treat each other with fairness and respect and equality for their entire marriage, but if they end up divorcing for any reason, it's incredibly likely that the divorce settlement won't be fair and equitable. The system seems almost designed to ensure that outcome. Break ups can be incredibly emotional events, and when you combine an event like that with a high income man, the kind of support network that women have (and older men typically don't have), with money grubbing attorneys, and with our legal system, the result seems almost preordained. So why even bother?

And bringing it down to my level (since I am not a multi-millionaire or billionaire, and have zero prospect of becoming either), that still seems to be the outcome for men who only make a few hundred thousand per year. So if you're a decent, honest person who is reasonably attractive, with a high earning job (say, an airline pilot), the prospect of a military pension, and all the stability that those things imply, you're kind of in the drivers seat. So why risk losing half your pension (for life), half of your retirement money, probably your house, and a ton of money every month, for well past the time that any reasonable person would say is fair?

People constantly say, well if you're thinking about those things then you probably just don't love the other person enough, or you're not truly in love with them, but that flies in the face of all of the divorces that occur every year, between two people who were SO SURE that they were absolutely soulmates and totally in love and would never leave one another. So it always seems a little disingenuous to me when people bring up those kind of arguments, because it seems to imply that one should ignore all that and just enter into marriage in a sort of wilful ignorance of what is a very likely outcome in the event of a divorce.

Am I missing something? Again, I like the idea of marriage, and I do want to get married (in theory), I just find the possibility of an incredibly disproportionate and unfair divorce settlement to be extremely galling. I'd feel much better about the whole business of marriage if it were more fair. Thoughts?

I post this here because I'm specifically interested in the thoughts and opinions of those who have similar lives to my own.

OOfff

For me, I love my partner, and we have built a life and financial portfolio together. My partner is part of that, whether earning it directly, managing our nest egg, supporting me to enable earning, or taking care of home/kids while I earn.

it’s not all about whose paycheck is bigger. Life with a partner is shared to enable it to become greater than the sum of its parts. I couldn’t make what I do without my partner, so they deserve some control over and benefit from our financial picture.


but nobody is forcing you to get married. Do it or not. It doesn’t matter. Nothing does, honestly.

jaxsurf

Thanks for your response, I appreciate your perspective. That makes a lot of sense.

badflaps

Wealthy women are all not that interested in marriage which should tell you something.

PilotJ3

I love my wife, we met in college. She’s been with me from the time I got my commercial certificate all the until now. We moved to our home when I was making 34k a yr and she was only able to get job in retail. I wasn’t able to get a CA slot in regional, so our income never got above 50k.Her job doesn’t make more than 25k a year, but because of it, I was able to go to some job fairs and was given a shot to interview and get hired.

You don’t get married because one will make less money than the other. You get married because you enjoy being with that person, you love it and you don’t want to leave it regardless of anyone’s income.

We’ve build this life, we dream and try to accomplish our goals together. With that said...

If you’re at this point in life that you’re a high income person, you have to be careful with who you get together. There are some gold diggers around and some people just look at the money. I personally don’t like to talk about my job to people, at least not when I’m getting to know them. We’ve been in situations that someone gets advantage of us because of our current financial situation.

Also remember, people look at you when you’re in your glory, not how you got here. Some people
don’t know the sacrifices your partner has to make. You can be 1 or 2 months off at home and you leave for a 4 day and that day is when something decides to break. If you have kids, they will get sick or have shenanigans when you’re not home. Your partner is the one holding the forth, while you’re out there flying.

Choose wisely.

SonicFlyer

Pre-nup agreement, or else this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIn3HuXWMn0

captive apple

I don’t know why anyone who isn’t doing it for their religious or family alliance reasons would.

Excargodog

Increasingly it makes little difference legally. Alimony or palimony, probably be about the same. So even people with no romance in their souks aren’t going to be able to use em and dump em.

Might as well either actually work at developing a worthwhile relationship or just bid Vegas for a base and use the Chicken Ranch...


https://chickenranchbrothel.com/

crzepilot

If you do get a pre nuptial or post, be sure to update it often anywhere between 5-10 years because good attorneys are able to discredit the agreements as time goes on. Therefore it is important to establish intent on the first agreement and continue to update them. That way when things fall apart, there is evidence that both parties have recently (within the last 5-10 years) reviewed the legal document and verified and agreed to its applicable parts.

notEnuf

I took the link as a joke. $&%#

Now my browser history will be my down fall. Oh wait, the iPad data can't be used as punitive. Right? Anyone? What's the ALPA number again? Asking for a friend. That's some hands on trafficking training, no?