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Old 10-06-2017, 06:49 PM   #1
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Default Divorce and Child Custody as an Airline Pilot

So my soon to be ex wife and I have decided on a 50/50 joint custody agreement. However, we are trying to figure out how to split custody considering my schedule is never the same. I am senior and creative enough at Southwest to build my schedule exactly the way I want it so it shouldn't be too difficult though.

What do most guys do? I'm leaning towards a week on week off agreement. I could easily put back to back 3 days starting on a Monday of the week I don't have my son and then have the entire next week off to be with my son.

Anyone have any thoughts that have already dealt with this? What worked well and what didn't? Thanks in advance!
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Old 10-08-2017, 08:15 PM   #2
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First of all, my sincere condolences in the divorce with children. As a once-divorced man where I did not have children, I feel blessed every day of my life for having avoided that life sentence. I am now remarried and have one child, and though my new relationship is night and day and I felt comfortable "gambling" and having a child, there are no guarantees in life as you're finding out. I find the proposition of a woman weaponizing children for the sake of that pension plan (child support) about the most crushing thing that can happen to a man of working age, second only to a work disqualifying lifetime illness.

Sorry my divorce experience is not of much help. I did find this thread quite informative and may illustrate some of the pitfalls you're in for.

BL, what you're about to find out, is that court systems are not friendly to transportation workers, and that the person with the most free time and more "child-friendly" schedule gets the worm. As a man and a transportation worker, you're at a great disadvantage. I understand you're a Florida guy, and FL credits down your child support obligation as a function of how much physical custody of the child you're able to retain. So I fully understand why this is a preferred course of action for you. The problem is that we don't know when your ex will get smart on you and yank the chain and contest. At that point, off to court you go, and that's not a position of advantage for a non-standard schedule holder such as an airline pilot.

The experience of the co-workers close to me who have gone through this did not end up close to what you seek. It was primary physical custody to the mother, full up crushing child support to the fathers, and a lifestime of commutting to domicile while retaining residence close to the ex for the sake of the kids. De facto estrangement from the kids. Tough enough as it is to try to influence your child to the degree you'd want, against a person who holds full physical custody who you can't stand being around, let alone share the project of raising another human being in your image. Which is why many simply send the check and consider the kids from the broken marriage a lost cause. Good bad or indifferent, that tends to be a common outcome.

I sincerely wish you luck. I don't envy your particular situation, and I say that as a once-divorced myself.
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Old 10-08-2017, 09:16 PM   #3
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Tough situation, sorry it happened.

Can't offer any advice, but I can relate a rare "Dad win" story...

Military buddy was doing (post-military) contract work in the middle east.

He was divorced, wife had the kids in the states, economy was down so he was working overseas to make enough money to get ahead while paying off the ex.

His alimony or child support or whichever was based on his current income (due to him having a reduced payment when unemployed, I don't understand it all).

Anyway, his demonic ex suspects he's making more than he's admitting so she actually travels to the middle east to take local legal action to access his pay info (US courts have no jurisdiction of course).

But she makes a biiiig mistake...she brought the two kids. So dude goes to a local lawyer to see about how to handle the pay issue. Lawyer gives him advice on that. And says OBTW... fathers have default child custody in this nation. So lawyer arranges a custody hearing, and based on that freezes the ex's ability to take the kids out of the country pending the hearing. Dude gets automatic full custody, mom visitation at his discretion. Ex is not even allowed to open her trap at the hearing.

Since this was all legal in the jurisdiction, the US courts cannot intervene. Pyscho gets sent home sans kids. Dude allows her to visit (supervised) as often as she's willing to fly out. This goes on for a couple years, and he then negotiates a better deal for custody/support back home, and then returns to the US.
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Old 10-09-2017, 05:53 AM   #4
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I don't know your particular situation, but no matter what, your son's world has been completely destroyed. That is not exaggeration or hyperbole; that is fact. This is not what is best for your son and no amount of rationalization will make it so.

I have seen first hand how far south this can go and how fast it can go there. You and your stbx have made this decision, it is now up to you both to mitigate the damage you have done. He is the innocent victim of a deliberate man-made catastrophe, perpetrated by the very people he once depended on to keep him safe.

Your only responsibility now is to his well being, or what is left of it. Don't ever lose sight of that.

Last edited by Hetman; 10-09-2017 at 06:07 AM.
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Old 10-09-2017, 09:15 AM   #5
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Always pre-nup
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Old 10-09-2017, 12:24 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SonicFlyer View Post
Always pre-nup
You say that, but it's not relevant. Pre-nups cannot deal with child custody issues. They are completely useless against that. The biggest source of remuneration to a hypergamous woman in a no-fault divorce state in 2017 is NOT alimony(spousal support) like people think, it's CHILD SUPPORT. They're de facto pension tables. We know this because at my net income level I cover shelter+food for my 2+1 family on less than what the state would want in child support for just one kid. You think a hypergamous woman is not aware of that? Lol I got a timeshare in Aleppo to sell ya. Fact remains, the State is full of it.

I have a pre-nup BTW. zero of it deals with child support. It legally can't. Now, with no kids? Sure, that's where the prenup helps if you're not cool with the default state contract of your particular state. In my case (TX), I wasn't cool with the whole 'community property state' garbage, so I had a prenup essentially nullifying the provisions of community property. It was never about shorting my future kid, which is why we agreed to it as a couple. But try offering that perspective to 99 out of 100 fiances and let me know how that goes. If my life was the Bible I'd be the Apostle Thomas. Don't say you love me, SHOW me you love me, right there in that de facto quit claim deed. Took me a swing and a miss to find one willing to walk the walk. Yeah buddy.... Good luck to us all out there.
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Old 10-09-2017, 02:52 PM   #7
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First Rule. Never marry a woman raised in the US. They all have been defiled and brainwashed with feminist crap.
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Old 10-09-2017, 03:46 PM   #8
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Quote:
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First Rule. Never marry a woman raised in the US. They all have been defiled and brainwashed with feminist crap.
Yea ok 👌🏿Lolzzzzz
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Old 10-09-2017, 04:20 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hetman View Post
I don't know your particular situation, but no matter what, your son's world has been completely destroyed. That is not exaggeration or hyperbole; that is fact. This is not what is best for your son and no amount of rationalization will make it so.

I have seen first hand how far south this can go and how fast it can go there. You and your stbx have made this decision, it is now up to you both to mitigate the damage you have done. He is the innocent victim of a deliberate man-made catastrophe, perpetrated by the very people he once depended on to keep him safe.

Your only responsibility now is to his well being, or what is left of it. Don't ever lose sight of that.
You can't be serious? And who are you to say what is best for my son?
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Old 10-09-2017, 05:46 PM   #10
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I have been where you are going.

Worse, yet: my kids have been where yours is going.

Last edited by Hetman; 10-09-2017 at 06:06 PM.
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