33 aviation lies
 

On a lighter note-


The 33 Greatest Lies in Aviation


1. I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.

2. Me? I've never busted minimums.

3. We will be on time, maybe even early.

4. Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.

5 .I have no interest in flying for the airlines.

6. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.

7. All that turbulence spoiled my landing.

8. I'm a member of the mile high club.

9. I only need glasses for reading.

10. I broke out right at minimums.

11. The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.

12. Don't worry about the weight and balance -- it'll fly.

13. If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.

14. I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree & 3000 hours in a Lear.

15. We shipped the part yesterday.

16. I'd love to have a woman co-pilot.

17. All you have to do is follow the book.

18. This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.

19. We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.

20. Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.

21. I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.

22. No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.

23. Sure I can fly it -- it has wings, doesn't it?

24. We'll be home by lunchtime.

25. Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.

26. I'm always glad to see the FAA.

27. We fly every day -- we don't need recurrent training.

28. It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?

29. I thought YOU took care of that.

30. I've got the field in sight.

31. I've got the traffic in sight.

32. Of course I know where we are.

33. I'm SURE the gear was down

34. The contract will be finalized soon...

35. Oh, Bravo is current on the ATIS? Yes, we do have bravo.

36. I'll be ready to take my written by next week.

37. I would fly for free!

HAHA, I love it. That's always the easiest when they ask "Do you have Alpha etc..." "Yup, ready to copy and taxi"

#5 and #8, those ain't lies!!!!!

38. I feel that the TSA is an integral part of modern-day aviation security.
39. Management sure seems to have our best interests in mind.
40. I'm okay with a huge pay cut if it helps fund our CEO's severance package. After all, he got us through a rough spot.
41. I prefer a male flight attendant to his female counterpart any day!

42.Taxiing up to hold short.
Tower: You guys are next ready to go?
Cockpit: Yea we're good.

43. Descent Check: Seat belts fastened: "Check"

44. Every pax brief expects light chop.

45. I know I look too young to fly mam but they wouldn't put us here if we weren't the best.

46. Yeah, your bag made it onto the flight. :rolleyes:

47. Our ramp agents know exactly what their doing.

48. This plane didn't get this old by being unsafe!

49. Yeah, I'm direct. ;)

50. "I was on a landline...aircraft calling say again."

51. Nantucket tower: "Runway 24 RVR: One thousand, Eight hundred" :eek:

52. It always does that...

53. Cloud separation? Uh... Yeah, we've got a hole above us.

54. Clear right. :D