This is from personal experience: old Hornet guys are not clueless.

From LiveScience:

More often than not, guys interpret even friendly cues, such as a subtle smile from a gal, as a sexual come-on, and a new study discovers why: Guys are clueless.

More precisely, they are somewhat oblivious to the emotional subtleties of non-verbal cues, according to a new study of college students.

"Young men just find it difficult to tell the difference between women who are being friendly and women who are interested in something more," said lead researcher Coreen Farris of Indiana University's Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences.

This "lost in translation" phenomenon plays out in the real world, with about 70 percent of college women reporting an experience in which a guy mistook her friendliness for a sexual come-on, Farris said.

Some might think the results come down to "boys being boys," and so even the slightest female interest sparks sexual fantasy. But the study, to be detailed in the April issue of the journal Psychological Science, also found that it goes both ways for guys — they mistake females' sexual signals as friendly ones. The researchers suggest guys have trouble noticing and interpreting the subtleties of non-verbal cues, in either direction.

The study's funding came from the National Institutes of Mental Health and the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.

Flirting or not?
To unravel it all, Farris and her colleagues examined non-verbal communication in a group of 280 undergraduates, both men and women with an average age of 20 years old.

The students viewed images of women on a computer screen and had to categorize each as friendly, sexually interested, sad or rejecting. Each student reported on 280 photographs, which had been sorted previously into one of the categories based on surveys completed by different groups of students.

Overall, women categorized more images correctly than men did. When it came to friendly gestures, men were more likely than women to interpret these to mean sexual interest.

More surprising, the researchers found guys were also confused by sexual cues. When images of gals meant to show allure flashed onto the screen, male students mistook the allure as amicable signals.

So ladies trying to brush off a guy at work or the gym may need to be, uh, more direct. Men in the study also had more trouble than women distinguishing between sadness and rejection.

Programmed for sex
The results help to tease out the underlying causes of guys' flirt-or-not mistakes. One common explanation for reports of men taking a friendly gesture as "she wants me," is based on men's inherent interest in sex, which is thought to result from their biology as well as their upbringing.

Following this idea, men and women would be aware of the same behavioral cues, but men would have a lower threshold for what qualifies as sexual interest. In contrast, women would wait for compelling evidence before labeling a behavior as sexual interest.

However, Farris and her colleagues didn't find this to be the case. Rather than seeing the world through sex-colored glasses, men seemed just to have blurry vision of sorts, overall. For instance, the college guys sometimes mistook sexual advances as pal-like gestures.

"I would say that there are many factors that could relate to men demonstrating insensitivity to women's subtle non-verbal cues," said Pamela McAuslan, associate professor of psychology at the University of Michigan-Dearborn, who was not involved in the current study. These factors would include socialization, gender roles and gender stereotypes, she said.

For instance, "women are supposed to be the communicators, concerned with relationships and others ... men are supposed to be less concerned with communication and to be constantly alert for sexual opportunities," McAuslan said. "This could mean that men in general may be less sensitive to subtle non-verbal behavior than women."

That doesn't mean such men can't learn to read cues or that all men are clueless decoders of women's gestures.

"These are average differences. Some men are very skilled at reading affective cues," Farris told LiveScience, "and some women find the task challenging."

 

"That doesn't mean such men can't learn to read cues or that all men are clueless decoders of women's gestures. "

Ladies, assume we are clueless.

From the caveman days until present we haven't evolved:

Just be direct, it'll save a lot of time.

 

I think all this is saying is that more women want me, and I never knew. score.

 

And in the words of a comedian I heard today, "when Demi Moore said 'I want to ______ you right now or you're fired', Aliens should have landed right then" meaning its never going to be as simple as the girl just "telling" you they want it.

 

"What we have here is a failure to communicate." But why is it characterized as men's fault? Doesn't it take two to communicate?

 

While this would make it easier on us guys, remember that it's not the woman's job to make the advances. Women expect/deserve to be pursued, and if it means that you crash and burn a few times, so be it.

I know for a fact that the woman that I'm dating wasn't overly interested in me on more than a "friends" level until I began pursuing her. Why? Because women are more "emotionally" geared. When you first meet them, you probably aren't going to get any clear signals that they are "into" you, because they need more information about your personality before they feel that way. A woman worth having is worth working for.

 

Kansas, your words bring much comfort to me. I am one of many clueless guys and I'm really hoping that my situation with this girl that I'm pursuing turns out to be like yours. I cooked the woman an Asian stir fry she thought was amazing, and then watched half of the first season of Gray's Anatomy with her tonight, only to find out I'm in the friends zone. I hate the friends zone. It feels like an indefinite hold over the LOM in icing conditions while you're waiting for weather conditions to improve. I'm really really close to where I want to be, but if I don't get the clearance to go, I'm gonna either crash and burn or have to realize after a while I have to divert somewhere else.

Sorry for venting. Anyways glad to hear you escaped the friends zone Kansas.

Chalk me up as one more clueless guy in the world. I'm trying my hardest not to be, unfortunately I think that's just the best I can do.

 

Dude, Gray's Anatomy?!?!?

The reason you're in "Friendtown" is because you loaded her up in the car and drove her there with that little move right there.

Watching half of a season of a chick show is NOT a way to avoid "Friendtown."

 

She's been trying to get me to watch that show for weeks and I told her I'd finally let her try and get me to like it if she let me cook her dinner. It's not like I asked her to just come over and watch it with me. I kinda had a hunch I was in the friends zone already anyways.

Besides, she has some thing with some guy from England who works at her summer camp that she's giving one last try to give herself some peace of mind before she really feels like dating again. So that all confuses me too.

Anyways, I've got some other options I'm working on. I said I'm clueless, not hopeless

 

Non-verbal communication is paramount. It speaks volumes!!!! Ya gotta know whatcha looking for.

That's why my fiance ( soon-to-be wife) is fast asleep........again.....after a couple of glasses of wine.

Hehehehehe!!!



atp