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I am going thru this with my in-laws.....they have always lived a meager existence.

About three years ago, my mother-in-law inherited about 200K from her estranged father. I began to quit stressing for a short while, thinking that perhaps if invested properly they would be ok for a while. Offered to introduce them to my money manager, and was going to pay the management fees on the sly.

Problem was, that in-laws thought that 200K made them rich. They bought a well-built, modest house in a nice neighborhood (good decision), then bought brother-in-law his own house (needs an incredible amount of work, which he won't do). He agreed to make payments to his parents ---but is not. Then they bought three of my wife's siblings cars and continue to pay for their insurance........(with no UIM coverage)....

Poof...200K gone. 7 months.

Brother-in-law (32) gets in an accident with UIM, and gets almost nothing. Can't work, In-laws pay for him, his four kids, one grandchild. (Yes I said grandchild....at 32)

24 year old sister-in-law with 7 year old daughter lives with them. Sis-in-law, works only sporadically.

Father-in-law retired early from work (good thing), but for some reason, Mom-in-law is not eligible for medicare yet.....uhhhhhh,,,of course no medical insurance.

Funny thing is, they got more out of the 200k, than the 300K I lost in the market this year................what a 8itch!

Maybe I'll surf this site the next time we are visting and let them read over my shoulder.....after deleting this post of course.:D

There is hope though, after years of letting 3 of 5 kids mooch, they are getting tired of it.....because as much as my Parent-in-laws had little concept of what $220k really bought, the kids have less concept.

After all the expenditures made on their behalf, they still think there is money left and that my in-laws are "Rich"

Your Spouse
 

How does your spouse feel about it? If your in-laws show up on your door step one day what do you think the reaction will be? As for myself my wife is on board however when the day arrives the temptation will be to crumble I am sure.

It is not as though we would be taking in a new pet. My parents and in-laws are in their early to mid 60's. They could be needing assistance for 10 to 30 years. It could easily threaten our own retirement plans and then we would be in the same spot asking our kids for help in the future.

Hopefully for us both our spouses are as convicted.

Skyhigh

This is a difficult subject for most but I'm glad you started this thread.

I had "the talk" with my parents and in in-laws when I first got hired at a major airline and received a not so subtle hint from a financial planner I was working with at the time. As an adult child and parent, I had an appreciation for what they did to raise me and wanted the best for them. At the same time, I was working to provide for my family by meeting self imposed financial obligations.

There were some shortfalls that I expected and I'm lucky that I had time to prepare to help by squirreling away a few bucks here an there through the years. The planning was key, there is no way that I could have afforded a lump sum out of the household budget and I really hated the thought of spending retirement funds.

I sympathize with anyone having to make a decision about how, or if, to help family financially. My experience was a good one because I was able to open a dialog early on about if they would need help and what I could provide. I didn't cover all expenses (not by a longshot), but there were also no big surprises about what I could offer when the time came.

Internet
 

I just spent a half hour reading some horror stories online about children taking care of older parents. As a child my parents took in several older relatives and as a family we cared for them. I know what that involves and I do not want to go back there.

I don't know what the future will bring but I feel the need to defend myself and family from it. I wish that there was some rational common ground that we could work with in regards to my parents and in-laws. Whenever we approach the topic their eyes glaze over and they try and change the subject. I will find a time before next summer to have a serious talk with all of them. My wife says that it is most likely too late and they will not do anything about it anyway, but it needs to be done.

In time most likely something will happen and a harsh and some fast and hard decisions will have to be made.

SkyHigh

As long as they are coherent and aware of what they're doing there isn't much you can do. Not much fun but until they're incapable of making decisions you can tell them how much you object but sadly that's about it.

My sisters and I have the reality of taking care of my mom some day staring back at us. Not because she's irresponsible but because she sacrificed a bunch to get us out of a very bad neighborhood growing up and help us with college. It's a very sobering reality.

David Ramsey calls it the "powdered butt" syndrome meaning no parent will ever take advice from someone who they used to powder their butt.

There is absolutely nothing you can do. Most people reaching thier 60's today grew up in a world were the government promised to take care of them and they expect that to happen. My advice is, let it happen. When they run out of money, let them live on Social Security. However as a son you have some responsibilities to ensue they are taken care of. When they reach rock bottom, you will have to help some, it's the right thing to do. How much you help is purely dependent on your own conscience.

Also like you said earlier, those of us still working and well away from retirement will not have the luxury of the government taking care of us in retrirement, so you need to take that into consideration for your own future planning. Sadly, the generation that wanted to be taken care of, sold you and I down the river to make it happen, sometimes I amazed they call them the greatest generation.

In reference to the post above- it's true you will always be that stupid 16 year old. My parents passed within three months of each other about 4 years ago. They both had long term chronic health issues. After my father died quickly and inspite of his long chronic illness, kind of unexpectedly, my brother's first words regarding my mother were, "well she can't come here".

So Mom comes with us- my wife (a stay at home mom) was an angel. My mother was never mean or difficult but she was a high maintanence woman. We literally took her from her home after the funeral and moved her 500 miles away- I can only imagine how hard that was for her. We knew she had health issues but had no idea of the complexity and the severity until we got her to our house. So much for planning.

Fortunately, between her pension and my fathers survivor's benefits she was well taken care of. So well as a matter of fact, that when she passed, I briefly considered buying a freezer and.....well, never mind. She also had great health insurance so that was not a worry.

The estate however, while not huge, was significant, and was handled poorly by my parents. I literally spent weeks dealing with it- 2 weeks alone going through bags and bags of papers and just when you were ready to burn it all, you would find an important document. I had begged my father to see a financial counselor. They had the money. But because of this and in part the way things were managed, how they transpired, and the way my brother acted through the whole process- I haven't spoken with my only brother for three years.

Sadly, I've heard similar stories over and over. I asked them to help, offered to help them myself, etc.

Moral of the story- plan ahead.:(

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why it's called the ME Generation.


It's all about me.


At least when the time comes and your children get to see you turn their grandparents away, they'll learn a valuable lesson. Selfishness knows no limits. :rolleyes:



If the Bible means anything to you, you should have a look at what is taught there concerning honoring your father and mother. Matthew 15:1-9

In my opinion, you have an obligation to your parents. Have you considered asking them what their plans are?







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TonyC

It's nice to know that even though we disagreed ed on the last several union issues we agree on this.

If your parents cared for you, you owe them the same. I have already dealt with this on the wife's side and we will be there for my parents as well. We will care for them as long as we are able and bring in help as necessary. Sky does have a unique problem as I am referring to health and I believe his is more monetary. It is not fair for his parents to squander all their money and then become a financial burden to him.

Sky,

I empathize with you, as I know how difficult it can be to bring up such a touchy subject.

This is so important, however, that you cannot afford (literally and figuratively) to ignore it, or beat around the bush.

If you do not feel comfortable discussing this, perhaps you should write your feelings in a letter, and mail it to your parents. I would recommend having a trusted friend review it prior to mailing.

Good luck in these trying times.

Nav.