Sputnik

An engineer could not find a job, so he opens a clinic, and puts a sign outside that says
“Get treatment for $50: if not cured, get back $100.”
A doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to show up the engineer and earn a quick $100. He visits the clinic.
Doctor: “I have lost my sense of taste.”
Engineer: “Nurse, bring the medicine from box no 22 and place 3 drops in the patient's mouth.”
Patient (doctor): Spits out the medicine and says, "This is not medicine, its petrol".
Engineer: “Congrats... You have your taste back ... that will be $50”
Doctor gets annoyed, and returns after several days to recover his money.
Doctor: “I have lost my memory and can't remember a thing.”
Engineer: “Nurse, bring medicine from box no 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth.”
Doctor: "This medicine is for the sense of taste," protests the doctor.
Engineer: “Congrats. Your memory is back... that will be $50.”
Doctor leaves, but after several days angrily returns for one last try.
Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”
Engineer: “Well I don't have any medicine for that. Take this $100.”
Doctor: “But this is $50 note.”
Engineer: “Congratulations, your eyesight is better... that will be $50”

badflaps

Where did you get a Henny Youngman record?

RhinoPherret

Oh, that Henny Youngman!
Which reminds me of a couple of his one liners that somewhat apply to this profession:

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

My hotel room is so small, the mice are hunchbacked.

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

For the doctor side: My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, "Cough!"

PotatoChip

Yeah, no doubt about that. I've done volunteer work in the ED and worked there during my EMT training. Pros and cons.

PotatoChip

My bad. I'll turn up my emoji sense.

prex8390

The pilot in the DC area that went on guard last night and purposely did a pre take off announcement posing as a delta pilot and went on to explain how he was Air Force and the fo was navy. That whole routine. Clever and we chuckled but cmon dude.

captjns

What proof do you have to substantiate your claim that:

1. The PA was done with malice; and
2. The individual was "posing" as a DL crewmember.

DeadHead

Semen DNA testing

Klondike Bear

All the Delta pilots that would make a real PA like that would do it on the flight attendants first class interphone. That's my proof that it was a spoof.

MikeF16

I think he even mentioned number of carrier landings, but I was slow to get the guard volume up. It was pretty funny, but it was so over the top it had to be a troll.