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Tool of the day

Old 04-21-2012, 08:33 PM
  #371  
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Originally Posted by DeadHead View Post
Not a hard, fast rule, but in my experience any captain who includes in his initial briefing that,
"I'm a real laid back kind of guy"
Has typically been anything but that.

If you truly are that laid back, then you probably wouldn't have to advertise it.
Long sleeves are the universal warning sign.

Nu
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Old 04-21-2012, 08:41 PM
  #372  
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Originally Posted by NuGuy View Post
Long sleeves are the universal warning sign.

Nu
+1

Ferd <--------Violation!! No cheerleading, MAN LAW
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Old 04-21-2012, 08:41 PM
  #373  
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Originally Posted by MrBigAir View Post
No joke, one day coming out of HPN- when the F/A asked a woman what she wanted to drink, the wife told her husband, "Tell her I don't talk to the help."

Also out of HPN, I climbed out into the cabin as pax were deplaning and a business man in a suit opened his briefcase and emptied all its contents (mostly trash) in the aisle, closed up the briefcase, and walked off the airplane. Incredible. Super Tool.

Actually, there are a lot of Tools coming out of HPN. I have more issues with pax there than anywhere else.

There can't be a correlation, can there?
Ooooh, reminds me of some corporate stories.

Ticked owner, mad at the pilot for the pilot doing the right thing, pulls out a $100 bill, lights it on fire, says there's your tip and leaves. I do believe that pilot quit eventually.
----
Corporate contract flight attendants + your airplane = your airplane trashed.

Nanny + kids + your airplane = big bill.
---
Wealthy CEO's wife, NJA warned she'd take stuff off the airplane. She did. She took everything. Opened every drawer and took out every magazine, gum, snacks, water, etc. Took it all. Didn't even have room for it in their car once we got to Eagle. She smashed it in. Probably threw some away. Amazing. Also demanded 1 water bottle per passenger x how many hours we were in the air, I think it worked out to 70 or 80 bottles.

We got all new magazines and billed NJA back during the time of "spend whatever it takes to make them happy!" Bad idea.
---
The multitude of pilots who thought they could walk into our jet just to take a look around. No no. That's white carpet, get out now.

Well, not quite bright white, a very white gray. BTW, don't ever get white or a very white gray carpet.
---
Demo flight. 14 morons there to grade the airplane. 15 minute flight. Dude takes a dump. Really?

Same flight, PC-12 pilot, upset we'd pitch to 17 degrees nose up climb (or whatever it was, it was in the FD bars). Thought we were being dangerous. That's not how any airplane he's ever flown is pitched on takeoff.

No kidding bro.
---
The corporate management company that wants to manage your airplane, and fire you asap. Why have pilots loyal to the owner?

BTW, next time have us sign a NDA.

And the next fractional wannabe corporate management company that promises the owner he can turn that hangar queen into a money maker! The owner says, I like it being a hangar queen, it's a nice plane. Then the owner asks, what would happen to my pilots? They'd become Flight Options pilots, you could always request them if you want them. oh? And what if I want to use my plane? Well, we'd provide you one of our airplanes but if you want yours then you need to pay to fly it back to you at the full charter rate which was 2x the normal charter rate for some reason?

The good thing was the numbers offered were so bad it was a nonstarter from the beginning. Basically, they wanted a free plane.
---
Talking to a charter customers mistress about Michael Jordan's mistresses, awkward. But not as awkward as turning the pull out couch back into a couch.
--
Charter customer in Kansas, watches with the FBO rampers while the pilots load bags for 12 into the back. As soon as we close the door, customer turns to the ramper and hands him a big wad of cash for a tip. Ramper walks inside. Um... wow. I don't care if you tip me, but why him? He just stood out here long enough to get a tip and walk away. If I had thought about it, I'd taken the wheel chocks he left in as souvenirs.
---
Customs in PBI. So [redacted story].

Last edited by forgot to bid; 04-21-2012 at 08:59 PM.
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Old 04-21-2012, 10:02 PM
  #374  
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The captain on a flight I was nonrevving on, the airline I fly for, that has paid us crap and treated us like crap since we bailed them out in BK, losing our pensions, work rules, scope, and 48% of our paychecks...yeah, that airline.

Captain glad-mouths his way across the country with a ton of happy-crap PAs, then as we park, says "if you like the way you were treated by your professional pilots and flight attendants, please log on to united.com and tell Jeff.

This TOOL must love our canal-water-suckin' contract!

Made me puke into my mouth a little bit.

TW
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Old 04-22-2012, 12:55 AM
  #375  
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Originally Posted by samballs View Post
Comair had a guy with the plates that read "RJ pilot"
ATA had "L1011ATA". Wonder if he changed them after the CH7 or just sold the Porsche.
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Old 04-22-2012, 12:56 AM
  #376  
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Originally Posted by buzzpat View Post
No doubt! And license plates like "IMAPILOT" or "FLYDUDE." Please.....
Yeah, although saw a "V1ROT8" once. Thought that was pretty clever.
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Old 04-22-2012, 01:00 AM
  #377  
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Originally Posted by MrBigAir View Post

But let's not forget the Jetblue guy last week somewhere on NYC departure who signed out with "BLUE!" in the gutteral "CYA!" style. "Jetblue XXX to 123.45... BLUE!"
OK that one wins the Massengill trophy.
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Old 04-22-2012, 02:45 AM
  #378  
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Originally Posted by embflyer View Post
i am so stealing that!
emb cat iii?!
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Old 04-22-2012, 02:53 AM
  #379  
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Originally Posted by gloopy View Post
Yeah, although saw a "V1ROT8" once. Thought that was pretty clever.
I saw one in CA once I thought was pretty good!

250BLOX
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Old 04-22-2012, 03:16 AM
  #380  
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The one who refuses to wear his airport security badge while attempting to down the jetway. Argues with airport security or gate agent when challenged.
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