I hate being lied to.
 

Sometimes my iPad says "not charging" when, in fact, it is.

She said it was mine, when, in fact, it wasn't.

The admissions department at college told 17year old me that I'd be making 6 figures, own a boat, and have hot flight attendants taking their clothes off.

She used to be somebody that I used to know, until her friends came to collect her records and she changed her number.

What a coincidence the head of the admissions department makes six figures, owns a boat, and likely has coeds taking their clothes off.

Now she's just somebody that you used to know?

So where do you sign up for training to be head of admissions?

I was scheduled off, but they called me anyway.

"Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam?"

Your butt does not look fat.