Relationships and Aviation
 

I just heard that the union in our airline has a 75% divorce rate. Just flew a 14 day trip where every captain either is going, or has been at least once, through a divorce. I asked them for advice and any books to read to try to prevent this from happening. This is the list I have so far, please let me know what other ones could help. Thanks in advance,

5 Love Languages - Chapman
Stop Worrying and start living - Carnegie
First Class Marriage - Zimmer
The Bible
Hold me Tight - Johnson

While it is tough sometimes, it's not impossible. My wife and I are both First Officers for different airlines and we make it work. The key is to make the best of your time together. Also, you should have a serious talk with your significant other to make sure he/she understands just what you do and how much you are on the road.
Lastly, don't be a dumbass and run around on your SO. If you have an understanding that's one thing, but if you are going to run around on them behind their back, just don't get married or have kids. It'll work out better for everyone involved. May sound simple, but you wouldn't believe the number of guys that don't understand these concepts.

1. Marry the right woman or man (and yes, sometimes that is happenstance)

2. Love, honor, and respect that person, at home and away, at all times. Whether they can see you or not. Or don't get married at all.

No books needed.

There was an awesome thread on this topic in the cargo forums about a year ago or so. That and this guy helped me a ton post divorce.

Mark Manson - Author. Thinker. Life Enthusiast.

But like his writing will tell you, most people seeking "self help" aren't in a mindset to change, they just want to buy the book/get the advice so they feel like they are doing something positive.

Add to your book list: Love and Respect

This has worked for me for 21 years!

Marry the right person...of course that's the real trick. Very helpful if the SO has a lucrative & portable career (doctor, nurse, software, accounting, etc).

Avoid other crew members...it's all globe-hopping fun on your days off until you have kids. After that it's probably 90% divorce rate unless somebody quits flying.

Have a career plan and stick to it. The SO needs to be 100% on board with that, or you need to get a new career...or a new SO. If the career plan doesn't pan out, have an exit strategy before you're in too deep. Best to assume that a "regional career" is not a valid option...maybe you'll get lucky, but remember if you're having a good regional career then management is working like hell to replace you. They have all day to figure out how and nothing better to do.

+1 Same here for 30 years.

I told my wife before we were married that she was taking a vow of poverty and loneliness. She still agreed.

Yeah, she loves me a lot.

I'm still in the CFI career phase right now (7 am to at least 8 pm, five-six days per week), so we make sure to take at least one full day a week for each other and always use holidays, time off, etc. for something we can do together. Face to face time is just hard to get. Have to make the most of it.

75%? Woah, that's like 10% over the average. Haha

Personally, I don't plan on ever getting married. The divorce rate is only going to go up.

Traditional marriage is a thing of the past.

Harsh, bro. Considering that some cultures or sub-cultures still enjoy a divorce rate of less than 1%, I would suggest that the increasing divorce rate isn't traditional marriage's fault.