Help for my marriage
 

I love my wife like nothing else, but a few days ago she told me that she needs her space so we can try to work it out, so I'm moving out by the end of the month. I've researched marriage counseling and they have appalling statistics so I don't want to go down that road. Are there alternatives to counseling that work? I don't want to end up in a divorce. She told me that I've developed a short fuse as far as my temper, lost my self esteem and confidence.

Sorry to hear this. Been through some ups and downs myself. I agree that counseling seems to do little more than provide an open arena for verbal combat, I've never known anyone to have a successful outcome. Maybe that's just military/airlines though.

First you have to figure out if it's you, the lifestyle, or her.

If it's her there may not be much you can do...you basically have to try to win her all over again without the benefit of "first time" chemistry. Might be an uphill battle with old baggage. In this case some space may well be the best thing. Let her know you're not giving up, move out, and then give her the space. Wait a few months and see if you can make some inroads.

If it's you (common enough in military/airlines), talk to her so you can understand fully how you've changed and then see if you can fix it. Of course not all change is bad, sometimes it's just growing in different directions. But it sounds like life/aviation may be getting the best of you so some changes in attitude and maybe lifestyle might do you wonders.

If it's the lifestyle, ie she's sick of you being gone then you have to decide what's more important, her or aviation? You may need to get a new aviation job or even career if she's that important.

If there's another dude involved of course that complicates things but the underlying problem is likely still one of those three...another guy is just a symptom. Unless she somehow found her "one true soulmate" or some such crap.

I'm by no means an expert on this, take it all with a grain of salt.

If your company has a PAN committee they may be a good resource.

BTW, Of course get help, though I knew a gal that went to marriage counseling with her husband; She reported it at her next medical and got the third degree from the FAA. I sincerely hope they have changed their position.

Buy a bigger bed. Got a double? Buy a Queen. Got a Queen? Get a king.

Or, offer her the sofa in the living room.

Or, point her to the front door.

Why make it easy for her to be alone while you're burdened with supporting her AND paying for a separate place for you to stay? If she needs more space, let her go find it. She might find that she doesn't like it.


Or, you could offer to join her in counseling.






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She's a F/A for another airline, so it's not the job nor another person. It's the both of us. I was reading good reviews for Mort Fertel and a few others so maybe I'll bring these to her if anyone has experience with this. If she needs her space then I'll give it to her if it'll help out. She told me last night that "...just because I can't live with you right now doesn't mean we will not see each other. I'll go with you on your overnights and you on mine. I miss the old you." There's hope and I know we love each other. I'm trying to get a TDY for a month or two so I can stay with family in another base.

An alternative to a marriage counselor could be a pastor.

Woman's perspective here. Please be careful about YOU moving out, if that's what she's suggesting. My brother went through the same thing, she needed HER space, then she turned around and filed for divorce claiming abandonment. (Pretty ballsy on her part considering she was banging our cousin behind his back and ended up marrying the pig. She also had the audacity to ask for an annulment, which my idiot brother granted her, so she could marry in the church with long white gown, etc.)

Bottom line, if SHE wants her space, she needs to leave, NOT you. That said, good luck.....sorry to hear and hope it all works out.

There is usually another party involved, with the exception of physical violence, women do not just jump into outer space.(Internet opinion)

Sadly, I agree....