captjns

I don’t but my pursers do... and with $$$$$ too.

Long Haul

Nice evening inbound to SLC and I'm incognito in the back of an Embraer from LAX. Black hole approach, the sun's just set, and it's a little misty, but the approach is rock solid stable until we hit the runway with literally, ZERO flare. Lots of gasps and exclamations, but, having been there myself, I have to burst out laughing. On my way out I shout to the closed cockpit door, "come on guys, after that landing you have to stand at the door with your hat on, you know that!"

Big E 757

Has anyone come up with a really good response to this one? I get it all the time and the person always thinks it’s the first time it’s ever been said. I am usually minding my own business and when I hear it I just say “I’m just a passenger today, too” or something like that. Just hitching a ride home or to work. One time I was commuting with another Pilot I know, and he said “No, I wouldn’t want to fly this thing.” Which I thought was a decent reply....it was an MD-80 too, which I thought was pretty funny.

I need a good response to keep in my back pocket.

badflaps

The Company feels it is important to have a pilot in back to answer questions.

Big E 757

I used to fly the shuttle in NYC in the 737. The DCA-LGA, and vice versa, was the worst during weather delays. It almost seemed like a competition between the passengers, of who knew someone more important than the next guy. We’d be sitting there at the gate in DCA with an EDCT time for 2 hours from now, and hear some passenger on his phone telling the pax around him that his neighbor is an air traffic controller and he says there aren’t any delays between DC and New York. They’re lying to us. Then someone would pipe up and say, “my business partner was on the 1:30 shuttle (we are the 12:30 shuttle) and they just landed at LaGuardia!”??? I’d politely say the 1:30 shuttle is right there and point out the window at the next gate. Which it was. Some of the stuff you’d here these, supposed to be sophisticated power brokers say to each other during delays was ridiculous.

Waiting off the gate was just as bad. The flight attendants would call sometimes and say someone in the back is telling everyone that we are the only LGA flight that can’t take off and they want to know what’s wrong with the airplane, while we are sitting in the block at the end of the runway, with 5-6 other airplanes out each side of the aircraft. I’d just make an announcement telling the passengers that every other aircraft they see waiting at the end of the runway out their windows are all the other flights trying to get to Laguadia too. (I misspelled that but that’s how it’s pronounced in New York so i left it as-is). It was like listening to a bunch of kids, if kids were into conspiracies and such. What a pain those summer days were.

Big E 757

That’s not bad. Until they start lining up to ask questions while the FA’s are trying to do their service. That could backfire very badly.

Lemon Jello

I usually say “I’ve never flown a (insert aircraft type here) so I wouldn’t be much use up front”. Then we all have a nice chuckle.

A friend of mine who used to work at Comair when they flew Metroliners had a story he liked to tell. Boarding on the ramp, much loud noise from Garrett turboprops. He is at the bottom of the stairs greeting passengers, old lady approaches aircraft and says: “I have acute angina”. “What??” Old lady: “I said, I have acute angina”. Friend says: “I don’t care how cute it is, I’m not interested in seeing it”.

badflaps

Actually you point to any other uniformed schlub after saying that.

flensr

I usually come back with something about how modern automation is really good these days and we can work from the back, pull out company ipad and wave it around a bit. If they are disinterested, I proceed to watch a movie. If they persist, I pull up one of the study apps like the hydraulic systems one and start fiddling with it like it matters what I'm doing.

Turbosina

Had a guy scream and holler at us as everyone deplaned. Apparently we 'flew through a thunderstorm' ( the nearest cell was at least 40 nm away, and the precip + turbulence we actually encountered was light at its worst), and we 'violated the regulations by flying closer than 20 miles to a thunderstorm', which he knew because he was a private pilot and was looking at a radar weather app on his phone with an image that was time-stamped an hour previously (which did, in fact, show a cell over our destination.)

I tried to patiently explain:
1. That image you're looking at is an hour old. See the timestamp?

2. That cell is now far away from here. It's an isolated summer airmass thunderstorm. It posed no danger to us.

3. We have this thing called onboard weather radar.

4. We never encountered anything more than light precip.

5. The 'regulation' about remaining 20 nm from an active cell is a recommendation -- and a smart practice especially in a light GA aircraft -- but certainly not a regulation.

I got as far as #2 before he stormed* off.

*See what I did there?