Flight Attendant Jokes
 

Man goes to hotel bar knowing flight crews stay there. His goal is to pick up on FAs. So he doesn't sound like a dork asking if eash pretty girl is a FA he decides to do it this way. He walks up to a pretty girl and recites a famous airline slogan and if the girl recognizes it he knows he has found himself a FA. So he approaches the first pretty girl and says "We love to fly and it shows." When he was met with a blank stare he moved on. To girl number two he says " The only way to fly". She too looks equally confused so he tries a third time. To girl number three he says "Work Hard - Fly right". the girl looked him straight in the eye and said "Hey dumbsh$t, what in the hell do you want and why are you acting so stupid?" Ahhh he thinks to himself, I have found myself an American Airlines FA.

Beautiful girl goes to doctor claiming she can't get a date because she is too smart. She intimidates guys and they dump her. Doctor explains he has invented a new machine that actually lowers IQ's and suggests that the lady consider lowering her IQ from 130 to 120 which will intimidate less guys. She agrees and proceeds with the procedure. Back to the office in two weeks lady says that lowered IQ has helped but wondered if doctor would lower it 10 more which should be about perfect for the guys she dates. Doctor agrees and turns machine on and then gets distracted with an emergency. When he discovers machine is still on and IQ meter is flashing at 15, he quickly disconnects it and tries to revive the woman who is now in a stupor. Mam, wake up I am so sorry for this oversight. Mam, Mam, Mam are you all right. Woman looks up at doctor and asks "Can I have the galley power please?"

LMAO!


Let's combine the two....

A guy walks into to a bar and see the bartender is a robot. As he watches the machine, he sees that it's programed to gleen the patron's IQ and converse with them on that level.

The first client is a business man, the computer asks about his views on supply side economics as he serves the drink. The next guy is a blue collar worker, and the machine chats about the NFL teams of years past. The next customer at the bar is a frumpy woman with a dark blue raincoat. As the the computer serves the box wine he asks: "What's worse, serving hot trays or picking them up?"

I am a Princess

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an
obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put
everyone in a good mood as he served them food and
drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing
down the aisle and announced to the passengers,
"Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be
landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people,
if you could just put your trays up, that would be
super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a
well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved
a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big
brute engines.

I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man
can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I
am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing
a beat, "Well, sweet- cheeks, in my country I'm called
a Queen, so I outrank you.

"Tray-up, Princess!"

Took me a while...but man, that 2nd one was harsh! We all know the latest and greatest of the batch have about 10% higher IQs. =) j/k

Watch out for the old visine in the coffee dude.;)

Actually, that visine thing isn't a joke - it doesn't cause the squirts, it can cause coma and seizures.
http://www.snopes.com/medical/myths/visine.asp

What do you call it when a FA gets pregnant?







Answer: Pilot Error:)

I only joke about flight attendants because I know that for every FA joke I know they know ten pilot jokes and aren't afraid to share them. So far I have been pretty lucky with the coffee - hope no FAs ID me here or my food and drink days in the cockpit are over!

ummm
 

nope..dont get it guy