relationship advice about joining the guard
 

Just seeking some advice here. I really, really want to join the military when I graduate. Probably the guard or army reserves. Not only do I want to serve our country, but it would take care of most of the 80,000 in student loans I will have. My girlfriend of 6 months, however, isn't supportive of the idea. Doesn't think she can handle it. She thinks if I am deployed that she will probably leave the relationship. I don't know what else to tell her and was wondering if anyone had some advice. Part of me wants to respect her wishes but I'm not sure I want to marry her yet and part of me feels like the woman I'm going to be with should be supportive in my dreams and proud that I want to wear the uniform and serve. Unfortunately, I can't say she does just that.

We talked about it more indepth and she is actually terrified of me going overseas fearing we will grow apart or afraid that I will cheat on her. She said if she leaves me it will be before I go, not after, because she isn't going to take the chance. She feels very strongly about it and her position is not likely to change.

I'm just wondering if you are talking about enlisting in the guard or reserves, or since this is a pilot board, will you be wanting to commission and get a pilot slot? If it is the latter, there is no program to help with your student loans, that will be all up to you.

As for her not supporting you, that's something you yourself have to figure out. Believe me though, I've seen plenty of people who got married young and wound up divorced young even in the few years I have been in the military. You have to do what you believe is best for you, and if you don't think she is who you want to spend your life with, then is it worth giving up your dream to save the relationship? As for the difficulties with serving, being in the guard or reserve gives you the best of both worlds because you won't be PCSing every 3 years. Yes you will deploy depending on what your job is, but at least when you are home in the states she knows you'll be there, close to home. Active duty you could just as easily have to PCS across the country and then deploying would be the last of your worries if a long distance relationship isn't what she wants.

In the grand scheme of things, joining the military (especially as an officer/pilot) is going to be a life-changing experience, perhaps a life-defining experience, and is going to be a major factor in your life for 10 or 20+ years.

Relative to that, a 6-month girlfriend is pretty insignificant unless you know for SURE that she is the ONE. Sounds like that's not the case, so I would make your own decisions on the military and then cut her loose if needed.

You are right, military is a LOT easier with a supportive spouse...or no spouse. Entry-level military and/or aviation is probably going to be more fun and less stressful if you single.

I'm guessing you're in your early twenties? (I don't mean that as an insult by the way) 6 months is really nothing in the grand scheme of things. Besides, her paranoia about you hooking up with another woman is really a reflection of her own distrust for herself. Dump her and you'll find someone else.

It's simple, really. You do what is right for you. If she is not supportive of your career choice, you don't need her.

"I really, really want to join..." -- You sound like a chick...grow a pair dude.

Do what's right for you. If it makes her feel better, there will be very little opportinity for you to cheat on her at most of todays deployed locations!

Aside from the comments on the military, but if she feels that way about you being gone, how does she feel about you flying in general?

I dated my wife for 4 years before we were engaged and we were close friends before we started dating. During that time she saw what it was like to date a flight instructor, a regional airline FO, and deployed guardsman...

Regardless of the type of flying you do, if you are a professional aviator, it's going to mean time away from home/family.

You're going to let a g/f of six months impact the rest of your life? Show her the door. Better yet, don't even slow down as you kick her out of the car.

Then spend the rest of your 20's "interviewing" other potential candidates to suck the life out of you and spend all your money. Best advice my father ever gave me that I listened to was not getting married before 30.

+1

By the time you would actually get hired, go to pilot training (if you want to be a pilot), etc... you guys are going to be totally different people - who knows if you'll grow apart while you're together?

If you let her pull the strings in your life... you're going to find yourself standing in the Bed, Bath, and Beyond parking lot putting your new tablecloths in your minivan looking up in the sky as a couple Vipers pass over on their way back from the range wishing you once had the cojones to do it up.