Uncle Bose

No matter how badly you want out, it will be extremely difficult when the time comes, and it's easy to lose your resolve. But the awesome wave of relief that comes afterwards, once the split has been completed, is like a rebirth.

SikPilot

I say again. Cut her loose NOW.

Get a younger, prettier women.

http://www.blossoms.com/

wild4theuniform

Is that how you get YOUR women??? VERY sad.....

Truman_Sparks

She says if I choose to end the marraige over this, then the only reason I was with her - or her only orth to me - was for a paycheck, that I am all about money???? Is this normal? Seems like quite a manipulation. She keeps telling me to 'be a man', and 'man up'.

wild4theuniform

Boy, Truman, sounds like there are other issues at play here. I'm a woman and can tell you that she sounds like "bad news." Maybe she's trying to get you to divorce her instead of her leaving you. Someone may have told her she can get "more" that way. Some women are unbelievable! I feel badly for you, T, and I wish you luck.

vagabond

First of all, you must remember that you are asking for advice on an anonymous internet forum and everyone here is merely giving you his/her opinion that is likely colored by his/her own personal experience. Everyone's experience is different, and what is "normal" in one relationship may be absolutely abnormal in another.

I do not know you or your wife. You have gotten some fairly good advice already and you should be able to formulate your own plan as to how you want to proceed. If you are leaning towards divorcing her, then find a good divorce lawyer and get started. Five years of marriage is not very long in the scheme of things. There is time and opportunity to salvage your own finances. If you cannot afford a lawyer, I know that Georgia is progressive enough to have all the forms you need to go pro se. [Heck, PM me if you have to and I'll see if I can help you. Control yourself in airing your "dirty laundry!!"]

Another thing to consider is that she is your wife after all. Treat her with the respect that is due her, even though she may not return it. Take the high road. Good luck.

Uncle Bose

Did you get married young? Looking back, five years will seem like nothing.

Her whole "be a man" thing is manipulative nonsense. Of course, it's also a belief system, so it's futile to try to fight it. The only thing you can do is decide if you want to live within that belief system.

FighterHayabusa

If it'll help her sign the papers more quickly just agree with her!


More seriously though, had you known going into the marriage that she would not want to work, that's one thing. You had a reasonable expectation that she would continue to work, especially after the purchase of your home which is more than one income can afford. You're not considering divorce because you're not a man, but because she blindsided you with this AFTER you made many decisions TOGETHER that hinged on both of you keeping your incomes, at least until you make enough to take care of both of you.

Your first task after you "man up" is to sell the house you can't afford, as well as all the stuff you acquired thinking you would have her income. She can't complain about that.

TonyC

Normal? I don't think so.

Manipulation? Maybe, but I don't think so.

I think she just got her gyros tumbled a bit, and needs you to recage them.


So, take her challenge, and man up.


New income means new budget -- find what doesn't fit, and get rid of it. You're the man, you make the decisions. Look at it this way -- the less money you need to make it through a month, the more "furlough proof" you'll be.


Write it down, and lay it out. This is what we need to sell, this is how much we can spend on a house. Call the realtor and list your house. Start looking for a smaller one, or one in a "less nice" neighborhood -- one that has a lower payment. If she complains, remind her that you're the man, and you will provide the financial needs of the family.


Buy a gift card from the grocery store and load it with your pre-budgeted spending limit for weekly groceries -- enforce the budget. Slash and burn, sell, sell, sell -- whatever it takes to keep your expenses under your income, and do NOT even THINK about giving up savings. Putting money in savings is second only to paying the mortgage and keeping the lights turned on.

I really think that if she sees that you're serious about being the man and restraining your lifestyle to your single income, she might come around and realize that she can contribute to a more comfortable lifestyle. Help her cage the gyros.




.

Uncle Bose

That's a good plan, but I wonder if such a woman is even worth the effort. I say the sooner, the better for getting his life back. He may change how she behaves, but I don't think he can change what she is.
I just have the sneaking suspicion (could be wrong, of course) that this marriage was maybe a little impulsive, and involved two youngsters, and never should have happened in the first place. A lot of good advice here, though.