Truman_Sparks

Looking for opinions on how to handle this. I am an FO at a Regional Airline. My Wife and I own a home that she helped pick out, with furnishings that she wanted. We have had to downsize to one car. She now informs me that she refuses to work any longer. Now, mind you, she works part-time from home for her old boss. Nice, huh. Well, in her mind, it is the husbands job to take care of his wife, and he is not a man if he cant. She is convinced my salary is enough to pay all the bills, allbeit just barely with many cutbacks. Also, mind you, we have no children for her to care for. I have asked what she will do with her day, while - as she put it - I get a second job if need be? She has no answer! When I balk at this, she laments that her only worth to me is if she earns money. Am I crazy? Am I wrong to think she should work? She knew my job and salary when selecting a nicer home than my salary alone could afford, now she wants to stick me with it. She says a 'real man' would 'take care' of his wife. The whole thing is giving me an ulcer.

Slice

Kick her to the curb! It will only get worse when kids are involved.

sflpilot

Whoa, not looking good. You are going to have to either get rid of aviation or her. As a pilot you just don't get paid that much. She should have known that. If you move to a higher paying career then that will probably fix the problem. If you are going to get rid of her, do it now. Don't wait until you have kids, it will be worse because then you will pay child support.

sflpilot

By the way, sorry to hear about the situation. My last post may have seemed harsh, but these are difficult issues. We all know too well that aviation is a difficult life.

SikPilot

Truman,

If you are not joking about your situation I suggest you start looking here http://www.blossoms.com/ for a new wife. Make sure your current wife sees you doing this. Tell her she can start packing now because you are getting a much younger prettier wife who will appreciate you AND work. I would NEVER put up with that kind of attitude.

TonyC

Have her pick out $500 worth of household goods to sell in a yard sale/garage sale each month. You can support her on your single income, but not at the current level of luxury. Start looking for a smaller house and put your current home on the market.


She works to supplement the income so you can live at a higher standard. If she chooses to not work, she also chooses a lower standard. Show her what that standard is, and let her choose. She thinks she's choosing now, but she doesn't understand the ramifications. Help her understand.






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Uncle Bose

Irrational people aren't capable of understanding. Sorry you picked a parasite, but at least you can get out without the complication of kids. You will damn yourself to a life of HELL, if you have kids with this leech.

vagabond

No need to run to divorce court quite yet. Just keep doing what you are doing, making the same amount at your Regional. Your post seems to indicate that your salary alone is enough to pay the bills. If she is satisfied with this "lower" level of living, then she ought to be fine. If she wants basic + more, then there might be a problem. There will come a time when something has to give and she will realize it when it happens.

If you give her some time to think about this folly, she might come around. Talk with her again, she might be more reasonable than you imagine.

Truman_Sparks

I understand the going to the lower standard routine, however, as a matter of principle I cant see working while she has nothing to do all day but as she puts it, "keep the house clean". She wants to live by this ye olde time traditional roles that I don't support. This whole the man should take care of me routine sticks in my craw! BTW, we have been married 5 years, and informs me she is tired of being forced to work by my rules.

TonyC

We're both reading between the lines here, but I think we saw something different. In addition to paying the bills, I think he needs to be saving each month. He'll need a replacement car at some point, and will need a downpayment. He faces the possibility of furlough. They face the possibility of catastrophic losses. He needs to build up an emergency fund, and save towards retirement. Those things normally get cut when it's down to just paying the bills.



It sounds to me like the single salary is not enough. So, this month we sell the sofa and put that money in the emergency fund. Next month, we sell the bedrom suite. After that, the dining room table and chairs go towards retirement. By that time we may have an offer on our house, and we can start looking for something less expensive.

We'll have to cut back on the trips to the mall, because we can't afford the gas. Eat out? Sorry, not in the budget. I saw a '96 Lumina in the want ads for $1,600 -- we can sell our car, buy that, and have no car payments. Then we won't need to sell the entertainment center until November. And so on, and so on.


Don't wait until you get behind.





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