Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome Questions
01-07-2020, 07:40 PM
#71
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Joined APC: Jan 2018
Posts: 644
Originally Posted by AirBear
My experience has been women with really high IQ's don't do well with relationships. My friend's wife is both a Lawyer and CPA, and he is her 5th husband (she's his 3rd wife). And I have a family member who's in MENSA (sky high IQ) but is also on her 5th husband. I think #5 is a keeper, they met at a MENSA meeting. 1st husband she's had that is as smart as she is. Remember, this is just my personal experience, I'm sure there are very smart women out there who have stable relationships.
01-08-2020, 11:11 AM
#72
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Joined APC: Mar 2017
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by Bhounddog
I’m contemplating a career change going CFI to regional path. I don't want this decision to be hard on my marriage.
My background:
-I’m 36 and have a 15 month old son.
-We’re not poor, but not rich. The career change wouldn’t cause us to worry about missing a mortgage payment but we would have to reign in spending.
-My wife works in consulting and has a relatively busy schedule.
-In my current job (digital marketing), I work 50 hours per week and am on a “digital leash” which keeps me from being fully present when I’m home (and I travel a few days per month). I'd of course be away from home more nights per month being a pilot, but would possibly benefit from the walkaway job.
Questions to regional pilots around my age (especially career changers):
-Has your spouse been supportive of your career?
-Does having a spouse with a positive attitude help? Or, is aviation just hard on a marriage no matter what?
-Are there any positives to being a pilot that your spouse likes? Or, is it all bad?
-Any other wisdom or advice to share?
My background:
-I’m 36 and have a 15 month old son.
-We’re not poor, but not rich. The career change wouldn’t cause us to worry about missing a mortgage payment but we would have to reign in spending.
-My wife works in consulting and has a relatively busy schedule.
-In my current job (digital marketing), I work 50 hours per week and am on a “digital leash” which keeps me from being fully present when I’m home (and I travel a few days per month). I'd of course be away from home more nights per month being a pilot, but would possibly benefit from the walkaway job.
Questions to regional pilots around my age (especially career changers):
-Has your spouse been supportive of your career?
-Does having a spouse with a positive attitude help? Or, is aviation just hard on a marriage no matter what?
-Are there any positives to being a pilot that your spouse likes? Or, is it all bad?
-Any other wisdom or advice to share?
I think if you have a strong marriage, no job is going to tear that apart. I spend a good of time home and when I am home, that's where my mind is. When you add in the potential for good money down the road, free travel, decent benefits and a job that offers a good deal of flexibility in time, you should be good to go.
I think the old days are just that, old. We now have phones with us at all times, internet in our hotels, FaceTime , social media etc etc all there to better allow us to connect when away.
My wife actually enjoys that we have some time apart as it allows her to do the things she enjoys on her time and when together, we do stuff that we enjoy. Sure she misses me, but there is an upside to most things. I miss her as well, but it is also nice to get out of the house, interact with different people and so on. There is a line that you can cross from spending TOO much time together.
I dont think aviation is hard on a marriage, at least no more than any other, however I do think it can make a bad one worse quicker. At the end of the day it all comes down to you two and the strength of your vows.
Good luck and welcome should you choose to join.
02-09-2020, 04:57 PM
#73
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Joined APC: Feb 2008
Posts: 19,261
Originally Posted by Cherie1564
Alright gentleman. I’m dating a pilot, regional. We live together and have a dog. I must say it’s very easy to say that a woman isn’t independent because they are hesitant about this lifestyle. I didn’t get into a relationship or possible marriage to be physically/emotionally away more times than not. I also didn’t get into one to take on life alone and always have to handle everything. Just because someone doesnt want to date someone who is gone all the time because it means they have to take care of everything, have less personal or free time, and feel like they are always on the clock has nothing to do with independence.
The grass isnt always greener but I have no time to myself with a puppy we both wanted. To be honest if it’s even worse with kids, and I still need to work, I’m not sure how that’s fair. I already have to plan organize schedule and clean. He only “helps” me. Free time to do my things? What time? I’m gone 11 hours for work (8 hours working, 1 hour lunch, 1 hour commute each way) a day and then come home to Take care of the dog. I can’t go out after work, my free time is based off his schedule and then I have to choose seeing him for the one or two nights he’s home or going out with a friend. Those days also have to coincide with my friends schedule and the last time I saw a friend a got one hour with her. I don’t get to go do things for myself because I have to come home to feed walk & let the dog out. I’m not sure how I would survive with kids. My pilot sees
friends and goes out with coworkers regularly. In fact he’s in his home town three nights this week. He says he needs more sleep than me and shouldn’t have to give up sleep or fun because that’s a benefit of his job. So where’s my benefit, or should I just be grateful he’s willing to date me?
The grass isnt always greener but I have no time to myself with a puppy we both wanted. To be honest if it’s even worse with kids, and I still need to work, I’m not sure how that’s fair. I already have to plan organize schedule and clean. He only “helps” me. Free time to do my things? What time? I’m gone 11 hours for work (8 hours working, 1 hour lunch, 1 hour commute each way) a day and then come home to Take care of the dog. I can’t go out after work, my free time is based off his schedule and then I have to choose seeing him for the one or two nights he’s home or going out with a friend. Those days also have to coincide with my friends schedule and the last time I saw a friend a got one hour with her. I don’t get to go do things for myself because I have to come home to feed walk & let the dog out. I’m not sure how I would survive with kids. My pilot sees
friends and goes out with coworkers regularly. In fact he’s in his home town three nights this week. He says he needs more sleep than me and shouldn’t have to give up sleep or fun because that’s a benefit of his job. So where’s my benefit, or should I just be grateful he’s willing to date me?
02-10-2020, 10:21 AM
#76
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Joined APC: Feb 2019
Posts: 307
Cherie1564 brings up valid points. If a pilot is looking to get married they should avoid dating women with the kind of schedule she has in order to make life easier. There’s women with much better careers out there.
Nurses are great, because they can do shift work and sync up to a pilot schedule. If a nurse does three 12 hour shifts while the pilot is on a 3 day trip, they then have 4 days off together. A nurse can even drop to per diem once kids show up which is perfect. That allows them to work once or twice a week. At that point they’re available to the family almost as much as a stay at home mom, but they still get out of the house and are a part of the workforce. Maintaining that independence is good for the soul.
Teachers are great, because their schedule syncs up with the kids schedule. They also have 3 months off to enjoy those flight benefits
Anyone who works online or from home would be great.
I’d take a hard pass on committing to someone who was gonna do a mega-commute 5 days a week. For what it’s worth to the original poster, you come across as if he owes you something because his job sucks. In my opinion he could just as equally say you owe him because your job sucks. The main difference is your job struggles are seen as more normal
I hope you work through it though. If nothing else, stay together for the dog lol
Nurses are great, because they can do shift work and sync up to a pilot schedule. If a nurse does three 12 hour shifts while the pilot is on a 3 day trip, they then have 4 days off together. A nurse can even drop to per diem once kids show up which is perfect. That allows them to work once or twice a week. At that point they’re available to the family almost as much as a stay at home mom, but they still get out of the house and are a part of the workforce. Maintaining that independence is good for the soul.
Teachers are great, because their schedule syncs up with the kids schedule. They also have 3 months off to enjoy those flight benefits
Anyone who works online or from home would be great.
I’d take a hard pass on committing to someone who was gonna do a mega-commute 5 days a week. For what it’s worth to the original poster, you come across as if he owes you something because his job sucks. In my opinion he could just as equally say you owe him because your job sucks. The main difference is your job struggles are seen as more normal
I hope you work through it though. If nothing else, stay together for the dog lol
02-10-2020, 12:22 PM
#78
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Joined APC: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,426
Originally Posted by hydrostream
I think the issue is that he is lazy and refuses to take charge around the house and ease her work load. Married life is a team effort not serve and be served.
02-10-2020, 12:47 PM
#79
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Joined APC: Mar 2008
Position: FAA 'Flight Check'
Posts: 13,837
Originally Posted by hydrostream
I think the issue is that he is lazy and refuses to take charge around the house and ease her work load. Married life is a team effort not serve and be served.
I'd ask the OP 'what is the attraction and why are you still dating him' based on what you said in the OP.
02-10-2020, 02:08 PM
#80
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Joined APC: Feb 2019
Posts: 307
Originally Posted by hydrostream
I think the issue is that he is lazy and refuses to take charge around the house and ease her work load. Married life is a team effort not serve and be served.
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