Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome Questions
 

I’m contemplating a career change going CFI to regional path. I don't want this decision to be hard on my marriage.

My background:
-I’m 36 and have a 15 month old son.
-We’re not poor, but not rich. The career change wouldn’t cause us to worry about missing a mortgage payment but we would have to reign in spending.
-My wife works in consulting and has a relatively busy schedule.
-In my current job (digital marketing), I work 50 hours per week and am on a “digital leash” which keeps me from being fully present when I’m home (and I travel a few days per month). I'd of course be away from home more nights per month being a pilot, but would possibly benefit from the walkaway job.

Questions to regional pilots around my age (especially career changers):
-Has your spouse been supportive of your career?
-Does having a spouse with a positive attitude help? Or, is aviation just hard on a marriage no matter what?
-Are there any positives to being a pilot that your spouse likes? Or, is it all bad?
-Any other wisdom or advice to share?

No two experiences will be the same. This is the only job I've had and it works well for my marriage. We don't know any different. We have two small kids and I spend more time with them than most people who work "40" hours a week. I average 16 days off a month and there is no leash. I don't even consider thinking about anything job related when I'm at home. My family uses travel benefits to go places we could never otherwise afford. If youre marriage works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't. This is just a job. Oh and keep your d--- out of FAs.

Go for a regional that takes care of their pilots.

Can your spouse handle the 4 day trips? Avoid commuting to have max days off. Its no fun to be home 7/8 days per month.

No experience but from fellow pilots I heard SKW seems to be pretty good.

I choose 135 to be home daily.
But that's just me..

The biggest hurdles to ask are, how independent Is your wife? You'll be away 3-6 days at a time. What if a pipe bursts? Would be be comfortable handling it? Not fixing it maybe but knowing at least what to do? Things of that nature, would you trust her to be the man of the house while you are gone? She needs to be comfortable with you being gone and running your house while taking care of your child as well. It's takes a special relationship to do but there are thousands of pilots that do it everyday. Sure there are the stereotype guys that are divorced 7 times. But it's doable. It just takes some adjustment and a commitment on both parties.

Not a regional (or any airline) pilot - but when concerning the viability of the career change - this part of your post caught my eye:

How flexible is she with her schedule. Will she have time to take a few hours out of her day to take your child to the clinic when s/he gets an ear infection? Pick them up early from school in the future?
Etc....

With you gone so much of the month - a busy wife with a busy schedule which is not very flexible will find trouble (time/schedule management problems) lurking around every corner. It can be extremely frustrating.

Will you be able to afford some type of daycare/child care (E.g. Nanny) to help with the daily child care needs if the wife can't get away and you're on the road?

Just something to think about while you ponder this career change.

It really depends on what your wife's expectations are (and not what she tells you they are.... but what they really are).

I worked a home-everynight Part 91 job for almost a year after instructing. I was on call 24/7 though, and had to be at the hangar almost every day for work, often 0700-2100. That was tough... never could plan anything and never could tell the wife when I would be home for dinner.

After that I moved to a 135 gig that had me on a 15 on, 13 off schedule. It sucked being gone for 15 days, but at least my days off were mine, and we could plan things in advance.

Now I'm working 121. It's kind of a happy medium for the time being. My wife doesn't enjoy me being gone, but she's pretty independent and she knew exactly what my schedule was like before she married me.

My personal opinion is that if your wife can't deal with your being gone for four+ days or so on a regular basis, this job definitely won't work for her long term. If she wouldn't trust you alone in a room full of prepaid hookers for four+ days, it won't work for her long term. Any insecurity she has regarding your relationship will become much more apparent when you are gone. I know guys who work in the industry with their phone chained to their hand, wife on Facetime all the time just to "check in" and keep an eye on them. I know guys who have a wife/kids at home and a woman in every overnight city. There are dedicated facebook pages where pilot wives get together to swap success stories and horror stories... and I've heard plenty of cautionary tales about them.

Kids will make it more complicated.

Where do you live? In your situation, you'll be happier being based close to home*

My wife is about as busy as I currently am. She travels for work about 3-4 days per month. I take care of our son for 3-4 days at a time. It's not ideal but totally doable.

I suppose she might not see things as doable that way if the 3-4 days are once a week instead of once a month. I'd want to pick up the slack when I'm home.

Yeah, we send our son to daycare and would continue to build it into our budget if do this.

How do you all feel about being gone for holidays/birthdays? Does that create tension? Or, are your spouses flexible and OK with celebrating on alternative days?

Holidays and birthdays suck but a bunch of booze does a good job of erasing guilt.

^Booze is non-MELable on holidays

My wife is super sentimental about holidays but doesn't get particularly upset when I have to work them. I just do my best to get the day off and if I can't, we just celebrate early or late. Does it suck to be sitting in Steak'n'Shake on Thanksgiving night alone, or ordering a pizza from Dominos in your hotel room on Christmas day while your family is celebrating without you? Ab-so-lutely. Celebrating early or late though does soften the blow.

Another factor is whether or not family is nearby. If your wife has some family (or even friends) to spend time with and help share the kid load it can be helpful.