Well the funny one I pulled the other day.... During my annocuncement I told the pax that the flight attendant had just finished several successful bit parts and on a variety on tv shows and was getting ready for a part on CSI miami.... needless to say I got my laugh in when everone getting off the plane told her good luck on TV and one pax went so far as to hand her some mardi gras beads.... the other one I tried was to tell the plane (on an entirely different flight) that she had been a 1976 olympic figure skater... The best part of that one is some passenger kept insisiting that he had seen her in those olympics some where in germany.....

A while back, pre 9/11, I flew the ATR-72. We had a forward cargo hold between the cockpit and the pax area; it had a walk way that connected the cockpit to the cabin with cargo nets to hold the bags. There was a door between the cockpit and the cargo area and another between the cargo area and the cabin. We had two FAs.
If we had a new FA we had two jokes we would play at night.
1. At cruise altitude, have the FO go to the cargo area and hide. Then call to the back and ask for a drink. The senior FA (who was in on this), would send the new FA to the cockpit. The captain would tell the FA when she showed up with the drink to go back to the lav and tell the FO to hurry up. When the FA responded that the lav was empty and she hadn't seen the FO since we were on the ground, the captain would tell her to stop kidding around, that the FO went back there before the door closed and must still be back there and he was tired of doing everything by himself. Believe it or not, many a FA took this hook line and sinker and started to freak out.
2. Have the FO hide as before. When the FA started to walk through the dark cargo hold, the FO would reach out and grab her. Worked every time.

What's prop wash? :confused:

Sometimes make an announcement to congratulate our FA xxx on being selected "FA of the year", or if she was cute "Miss United Express". it usually made them blush a little.

Not a joke on the FA, but on a fellow commuting pilot.

During one month, my crew had one of our "nice" check airmen on board every week because he was commuting home. Every week he would grab a seat in the back wearing his uniform because he had a very short connection between the last flight of his trip and this one that got him home.

We figured since he was onboard we would take it upon ourselves to include him in our "welcome aboard" announcement right as we were buttoning up. We would commence with your typical announcement but finish it off with: "and folks today we have the pleasure of having our Public Relations Technical Pilot on board. His job is to provide you, our valued customers, with answers to all of those questions you might have regarding our operations and aircraft. So feel free to engage Captain XXX with whatever questions you might have. He is sitting in seat XX and is always eager to interact with our passengers."

Needless to say, he was bombarded with questions during flight. He didn't much appreciate this little prank (especially after a 13 hour duty day), be we sure did get a laugh out of it.

When we are running late I have asked new flight attendants to make an announcement to the passengers to open up all their over head air flow gaspers and point them BACKWARDS towards the rear of the aircraft. This way the airplane would fly just a little bit faster and it could help the pax make their connections.

That one will only work with the blonde ones though ;)

Murano,

I'm sitting here just picturing the FA doing that...I can't help but LOL!

Sometimes we use to help wash the plane if it was doing some big wig run. We woul get the new guy to run back inside for some more soap. "Just ask the stock room for some more 'K9P'."

Heard this one the other day. Bring along a can of vegtable soup. Tell the flight attendent that the FO is sick and come up here and get his sick bag and bring some more. When she comes up, as the FO gives her the bag, intercept it and say, "here I'll take that and gulp down a big mouth full." Watch 'em gage all the way back to the lav.

Better than that one:

I know of an even better version of this joke... have FO regularly buy coffee every day of the trip. On the last day, put soup (beef stew works best) into a ziplock bag. Have FO leave coffee in galley (making sure to ask the FA to watch it) while they do the walkaround.

CA comes out of cockpit, grabs coffee, tosses it out of the cup (works best in the CRJ where you can just pour it out the door), then "barfs" the stew from the bag. Time it so that the FO walks up the stairs just as the CA recovers. FO says thanks for holding my coffee and grabs it from the CA or off the counter. Works great! :D