The eye examine is just like any eye exam you have ever had. The medical is not much different than a "proper" one from the states. Yes, LASIK is allowed.
Yes Dubai is not for everyone. I personally love it here. I see it as a Las Vegas without casinos. The traffic is not very bad these days. Drivers are no worse than in New York or LA. Come over and take a look. Emirates is hiring a large number of pilots for the next 5 years.
And I know of more than one US airline that has that crappy African layover. All of the crews are in the same resort.