Actual conversation this morning with scheduling:
Me: Hi, this is DAL 88 Driver, employee #XXXXXX. (no, I used my real name... he probably would have REALLY been confused if I used DAL 88 Driver and I was a DC-9 pilot

) I'm your short call this morning. I'm staying at a hotel 5 minutes from the airport and wanted to let you know I'm going out for a run. I'll be gone about 40 minutes... so if you need me for something, just leave a message and I'll check my phone as soon as I get back in the room. I can be over to the airport very quickly after that.
Scheduler: [rambles a bit leading me to believe he doesn't quite have the gist of what I'm trying to tell him]
Me: Well, I just didn't want you to panic if you tried to call and I didn't answer my phone. If you need me to fly, I can be there very quickly... even if it takes me a few minutes to call you back.
Scheduler: Oh, I never panic. If you don't call me back within 30 minutes, I just take the trip off your line and turn the matter over to your Chief Pilot.
Me: Well, that's kinda the whole point of why I'm calling you. If you call 5 minutes after I walk out of the room to go run, it might take me slightly longer than 30 minutes to call you back, but I can make it to the airport to do any flying you need very quickly as this hotel is only 5 minutes away from the airport.
Scheduler: Okay. I can remember that you're close.
Be careful out there, folks. The mentality in scheduling these days does not seem to be what us "south" guys have been used to.