Ray, sorry you had some rough experiences. You may very well have had some poor handling and there are some immature instructors out there. The FAA does not certify their professionalism, only their general competence. I try to gauge the reaction of a student to the suggestion of performing a difficult maneuver before attempting it with them. We are not up there to show how large our private equipment is, we are there to help others learn. I suspect you do not like flying with young bucks which is fine, so why don't you try and find a female instructor or a late middle-aged instructor? In my experience young lady instructors tend to be a little more tame than than their male counterparts, and both sexes are more tame after middle age.

How old are you? Cardiac arrests are an older person's issue normally. If you have heart problems, aviation may not be for you. You may have trouble keeping an aviation medical. If you can settle for sport piloting this may not be an issue as they use drivers licenses in lieu of medicals, but flying is not for people who have heart problems by and large. There is an adrenaline factor and a weak heart is not a good thing for a pilot.