I'll try to keep this short; but no guarantees!
I'm 19 years old (turning 20 tomorrow!). I'm a very focused, goal-oriented person. Since I was little, when I got excited about something, I would do nothing but focus on that thing. Sometimes I reach the goal, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I focus on it until something more exciting comes along and then I completely switch my focus to the new goal (leaving my parents to say "don't you like this anymore?!". Other times, I just get burned out on whatever it is I'm focusing on - I can't stand it anymore.
I think it was my sophomore year in high school that I decided I wanted to be a pilot. FYI, I have no interest in going to the airlines - my dream is to be a full-time CFI until I get married (which I hope will be in a few years), then CFI part-time. I don't care about the money; I just love flying and love teaching - so what better thing than teaching flying?
In the fall of 2010, I went off to college. I was an aviation major and an honors student (required to keep my scholarship). Aviation takes a lot of studying, as we all know; and the honors program was very difficult. Plus I was taking 18 credits. Long story short, I loved the college, loved flying, but I couldn't keep up with everything. So I left after a semester. I had about 12 hours of flying at that point. Moved back to my hometown, took flying lessons 3-5 days a week, got up to 40 hours, my instructor got too busy, went off to another state and finished my PPL in a week at an "accelerated" finish-up course. My first flying lesson was in September 2010; I got my PPL on June 1st. My parents and I decided it would be best for me to get from PPL to CFI as fast as possible, 1) to save money due to less forgetting between lessons such as when only flying 1-2x a week; and 2) so that I could be making money & supporting myself in my chosen profession (rather than waiting tables) as soon as possible.
I have some severe confidence issues when it comes to being watched while I do something - unless its something I know VERY well. So, having an instructor in the plane with me is extremely nerve-wracking. On my checkride; I actually broke down in tears once. So after I got my license, I rented a 152 for 4 days and flew around my state, building a few hours and some confidence. Then, a week later I moved to a new city and stayed with friends, working on my IR at the local FBO. I'm still here and am very close to being ready for my checkride. However.
Before school started, my friends that I'm staying with went to pool parties and did other fun things, and I always went along. It was a great break from studying; and I'd go back to my books refreshed afterwards. Another important aspect is that one of my friends... well, is the man of my dreams who I hope to marry someday (I don't think he knows that yet though). Anyway. Now that school has started, he moved to another state for college, and my other friend is very busy with college here. So no parties, no hanging out with friends. All I do is eat, sleep, study, fly, think about studying, or think about flying. And with my checkride getting close, the pressure is building. Though I've done most of the lessons in the syllabus, I'm far from feeling confident and ready for the checkride. And when I was working on my PPL, it was all about getting the license - I just wanted to pass the written, just wanted to pass the checkride, just wanted to get my license. And I felt like I just barely passed. This time, I don't want to just barely pass I want to feel really confident about everything. But I'm also starting to get sick of flying and reading about flying. And knowing my past, I can tell that if I keep pushing myself to do this when I don't like it, I'm going to start to hate it more and more. It may even get to the point that I consider switching career goals. Someone once told me "If you ever find yourself not wanting to get in an airplane, don't." He said that it needed to stay fun, and if I need a break, I need a break.
Part of me feels like well, I'm so close to my checkride, I should just push on until I complete it. But I already pointed out what will probably happen if I do that. Another part of me says, what's the hurry? I don't have a deadline to complete this by; unless I put one on myself. I really want flying to remain something that I love more than anything else.
Also, I think I need to add some things to my life besides flying and studying. But I'm not really sure what or how.
Does anyone have any thoughts or advice? I'll be glad to expand on anything if it would help.