An aging Captain gets the bad news from the Doc:" You have to quit smoking, drinking and banging those young girls."
He asks "Will that make me live longer?"
The Doc answers: "No, but it will make the time you have left feel like an eternity."
Q: What is the difference between a pilot and a pig?
A: A pig won't stay up all night trying to bang a pilot.
I think my wife may be dead.
How's that?
The sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up.