I'll give it a shot.

My wife and I are both full time "legacy" pilots. We have been together for 13 years, and married for 10. This is her first marriage and my second. We are both mid 30's.

First, noting that this is my second marriage, I got married way too young the first time--22. Do not be in a rush. There is no hurry. You both have career aspirations, and will be working hard on that end of your life. You may very well find that during that process, you drift apart. Things happen. Affairs, jealousy, relocation, etc. 10 years in the business with 5 airlines, and I have seen first-hand a lot of failure stories. I can even say that my wife and I have had very rocky times. So don't be in a hurry. Pilots naturally think they know it all, and newer commercial pilots and flight instructors are some of the worst--no offense, I've just been there.

Next, there is nobody else in the world I could be married to. She is my fit, and I am hers. We fill the gaps in the other--literally and figuratively Believe it or not, we talk about aviation very little in our daily lives. Of course, there is some talk of it--and yes it is nice to talk to your spouse about aviation and having them know what you are talking about. However, is is not even close to the only thing, and IMO should not be. As I said, their are many career hurdles, life hurdles, financial hurdles, and unseen hurdles which you will need to overcome together. If aviation is the only REAL thing that ties you together, you are doomed, IMO.

Just on a personal note, I happen to be married to a fiercely independent woman. I can only surmise that the pilot women have a greater independent streak than the average woman. While that was endearing at first, and kind of a turn on, it is something that you will likely have to deal with. This isn't a slam on women. It is more like a slam on me, as I would imagine I posess some of the same traits. IOW, in some ways, it is like being married to myself: A-type personality, not having to answer to anyone, etc. Just more food for thought with my experience.

Finally, kids. This is a huge one. We have a 3 and 6 year old. Eventually kinds are probably going to come into play. It boils down to 3 things for us, time away, child care, and relocation. We constantly worry about our time away from them. Many times their mother or fathr are gone for 3 or 4 days, and we are not sure how that affects them. Of course, when we are home, they are with us 24/7. Believe it or not, we probably see our kids more than the average working family does, but we don't see them at least a little bit every day. I guess we will not know how it affects them until they leave us for college, but I think that this area is the least of our worries for now.

Child care is another issue. We also have had nannies--some good and some bad. We have never really gotten excited about the nanny nor au pair concept. Nobody will love your children as much as you. Leaving them with a stranger really, really wore on us. Luckily, we have colved that problem by having family watch them. We are fortunate to have a couple sets of grandparents and two of my sisters who rotate with child care. It could not be a better solution, and it set our minds at ease when we are gone. The kicker--we both have to commute. Commuting is a whole other story, but well worth it, IMO, for the peace of mind as to who is watching your children.

Third is relocation. We have never been in a house for more than two years. We are hoping with the latest move near my family that we will be able to stabilize their lives, especially now that my 6 year old is in school. This will only become more and more important as they get further entrenched in sports, friends, and school. You may move a lot--especially as you move throught the ranks. Then again, you may both land your dream job in the same town, and settle down for the ages, but I would not count on it with the voltality in this industry.

Looking back, I would not do a thing different. I couldn't be happier with my family, nor our choices. It is extremely trying sometimes, but I would imagine that any family/job situation is. We have been fortunate with money, via our jobs and real estate sales--remember we have never been in a house for more than two years. So that really hasn't been a source of angst as it is in most households.

Not knowing anything about you, I would definitely wait--my wife and I waited three years. We lived together for 2 prior to being married. I cannot emphasize enough about compromise. Be ready, for a LOT of it--with each other, with your living situation, with children, with your jobs, and so on. You may as well just leave jealousy at the gate. My wife happens to be a great aviator AND a knockout. You can imagine watching her go off on a trip in a predominantly male occupation. I would imagine that she feels the same way about me and flight attendants. You can make yourself crazy with worry and jealousy, or you can accept the fact that if your spouse is going to cheat, they have ample opportunity and there is nothing you are going to do about it. We had a long talk about this right from the start, and have never had sleepless night, wondering.

I guess that is probably enough for now. If you have questions, feel free to fire away. I don't get on here all that often, and never post, but I'll check back in.


B