First posting, so I consider this thread very special (and all of you very special, too)
I've spent all day reading this thread and the person in the hotel room next door must be wondering why he gets treated to a burst of laughter every now and then (I particularly liked the Adam West crickets reference).
So, straight for the jugular, my particular additions to the tool box go to the verbose crowd. You know who you are, the ones who just love to hear the sound of your own voices:
"XXX checkin' in" (well what else are you doing) or "XXX with you" (yes, that's why you're on this frequency). "Okay, understand we're cleared direct to XXX" (excellent, leave out your comprehension and allow the rest of us some peace from your inane comments). "Okay, we'd like to request 35 oh" (well, go on then, request it).
As for the Guard Nazis; I heard an exchange the other night that even shut up the Oberfuhrerguardenpolizen:
Cathay Pacific XXX: "All stations in the area of Sakurajima (a volcano in the South of Japan), it looks like there's been an eruption and the cloud is up to FL350, drifting east"
American voice: "You're on Guard"
Cathay Pacific XXX (rich Australian accent): "Yes, I know I'm on Guard and I'm transmitting important information of an operational nature. Now shut up and keep your mouth shut you obnoxious wanker"
He gets a thumbs up from me, Larry.