Sounds like you may have a dose of "SJS". The only cure I'm afraid is to "live the dream" and let it crumble around you. I'm relatively new at this too (less than 500TT) but I can tell you that the realities of trying to make a living in this industry are pretty harsh compared to most others. It isn't what it used to be (or so I'm told) and it is definitely more who you know than what you know. Good luck and keep reading. I do seriously suggest not pursuing any degree aviation related. They are worthless and have nothing to do with your ability to safely operate aircraft. Get a degree that will provide you with a life time of possibilities. Not one that narrows the scope of your marketability.