First, I am very sorry to hear about your brother, I can only imagine how hard it is to lose a loved one like that. I also respect your stance that family is first, as it always should be.
One thing to keep in mind, while flying in the military is not free of it's hazards, were are not exactly walking the streets of Baghdad either. To be honest on my last deployment to the desert I spent at least an hour or so a day sitting in a nice pool *(as an enlisted guy not a pilot, although the pilots spent their fair share of time at the pool also). Gotta love the AF! If flying to the Air Force is something you really want to do then go for it. I know it might hurt your family a little now but if it is truly something you want to do they should respect that. You don't want to be that guy who turns 40 and looks back with regrets. Like I said I respect that you put family first as should everyone else, because in the end they will always be there for you.
From the perspective of a guy who went to a small pilot factory and got an aviation degree. If the civilian route is what you decide then I would recommend that you stay away from the pilot factories. Get your degree in something other than aviation or at least double major! If I had it to do over again I would have got a business degree. Do your flying at a part 61 FBO. It will cost about half as much and you will still get they same ratings as the other guy from the pilot factory. Get your CFI and teach while you are still in college to build up your time. Research, research, research!!!! There are tons of jobs out there for low time guys to build up their Total time if you just look. Once you hit 500tt your options open up significantly, there is banner towing, aerial photography, flying tours. Or just go out to a place like Tucson or Phoenix where there are about 364 days of good flying a year and get a CFI job at a busy flight school. I am willing to bet most of those guys max our their 8 hours of instruction a day. Also try to find a place with a twin so you could possibly teach in that to build your multi-time.
PM me if have any more questions.