This is an interesting perspective on our industry... I blame Mismanagement, Pilot Unions, Terrorism, Congress, and the Economy. The worst part is that things will never get better...
Queenan Asks: What if Other Businesses Acted Like Airlines? | Moving Targets - WSJ.com
Today, O'Hare—Tomorrow, the World
By JOE QUEENAN
Last Sunday, in response to the budget sequester, the Federal Aviation Administration began a forced-furlough policy for its air-traffic controllers. Now, to a roster of delayed flights, unexpected fees, farcical movie selections, disintegrating earphones, confiscated honey jars in the shape of cute little bears and cracked elbows caused by injudiciously manipulated beverage carts, the airline industry has added delayed or canceled flights triggered by the federal deficit.
Almost unimaginably, the unfriendly skies have managed to get even less friendly.
What would it be like if other businesses operated on the same principles as airlines? Size 11 shoes would shrink to size 10, then to size 9, and ultimately all the way to size 4. Only first-class pedestrians would be sold shoes that fit them; everyone else would have to squeeze into fraying bootees. Intractable demands by the cobblers' union would be tabbed as the culprit.
Cardiologists would commandeer the public-address system to announce that they had overbooked open-heart procedures. They would offer a free quadruple bypass operation, valid for one year, to anyone willing to cede his place in line to the next customer. If they got no takers, they would offer two bypasses and a 50% discount on the patient's next four stents.
Dentists would announce that until further notice all wisdom-tooth extractions would be conducted without anesthesia, owing to furloughed dental assistants. Psychiatrists would begin offering frequent psychotic-episode plans that they would then refuse to honor due to mysterious restrictions concealed in the fine print of the agreement.
Jockeys whose favored mounts ran poorly at the Belmont Stakes would tell disgruntled bettors that any finish time less than three minutes off the pace was still considered "on-time" according to hippodrome industry standards. Gangsters would almost certainly reject such dubious rationalizations from slow payers.
Quattro formaggi pizzette would be served seven hours after diners ordered it, and no one would be allowed to leave their booth until it arrived. What's more, when it finally came, there would only be uno formaggio. Due to inclement weather, vegan paellas intended for delivery to Beverly Hills would be rerouted to Little Rock, Ark.
Stand-up comics would cancel jokes halfway through their delivery or announce that they had to go back to the beginning of the joke because the punch line was not yet fully operational. Anyone inside a comedy club who complained that the performer had bombed would be arrested.
Visitors to state beaches would get charged for seashells, conches and seaweed; adorable little tykes building castles would have to pay a $25 surcharge for any quantities of sand exceeding five pounds.
Visitors to the multiplex would be informed, "Sorry, we are only offering two selections today: the latest Adam Sandler flop and a vintage Minnie Driver vehicle." Visitors arriving in hotels would find that due to a mix-up their luggage was now in Turkestan. Patrons of Greyhound would learn that the bus needed to circle the station for the next two hours until a gate was available.
Barbers would require patrons to remain in the chair for three hours until the styling tower gave a go-ahead on the golden highlights. Couturiers would make evening gowns whose buttons fell off the first time they were worn. Séances would be abruptly canceled if fewer than a dozen specters showed up. Morticians would make unexpected announcements at funerals: "We know that you have many other options for your journey to the afterlife, and we value your patronage," they would say.
And all customer service personnel would be mean.