Scambo

Perhaps a little advice from a Douglas guy. We are used to getting into a seat with a crew swap and turn of 30 minutes. The consequences of such actions are unavoidable, the results themselves however are unmistakable. The combination of a 30 minute turn time all day along with the fact that LUCIVER himself thinks the plane is too hot, makes for some interesting experiments. I have found two things that work.

First, Attempt to position your back about 2 inches up the seat back with your feet pushed firmly against the floor board. The added benefit of this is it feels like you are doing leg presses at the gym. Also, You cut down on wrinkles in the crotch area as you are stiffer then a board in the lower body. I cannot speak for you Boeing and Airbus elites. However, Douglas pilots are presented with a unique and challenging task. The floor area around you feet is smoother than a baby's a$$, after years of wearing the non-slip flooring away, she is slick. So be careful not to attempt this maneuver with any liquid that has spilled or been drug in from the ramp. (Disclaimer, This in itself is a very challenging maneuver because you have to play hope-scotch around the numerous oil puddles under the JT8D's) If your not careful you feet will slid out from under you faster than Clark's ice built up gutter in Christmas Vacation. Don't worry to much what your fellow pilot thinks....they will understand without having to say a word. The real danger is grabbing for something as no matter you veteran status you still feel like you are in a free fall. Just hope it's not the yok, because then you need to follow that up with the sorry folks we encountered a little bit of clear air turbulence PA.

Second option, hold a wall squat position for at least 15 minutes avoiding touching the now 120 degree moist/soaked seat. The problem with this is when the lead checks in with you they tend to leave before they can get hello I am....... out of their mouth. They are so alarmed at the concept of a bad yoga hold and profuse sweet that they think you either ate a habanero pepper or your about to spontaneous explode. Hopefully, he or she has experienced this enough to bring you a big bottle of water and not 1 little grenade that will only **** off your thirst quench. Again, the benefit of this wall squat is that Douglas pilots have the most toned quads and calf's in the airline. The downside we walk like hunchbacks thru the terminal and often are told that the pond would be better suited for us than the pool.... a discrimination that Carl is familiar with.

DEADHEAD... BRAVO & Priceless Satire!

Perhaps we can sell a reality show to management about the exploits of cockpit life on the Douglas. The contributions could come from the whole pilot group because undoubtedly you have all either experienced in person or seen its effects.