Originally Posted by Roadkill

Dear CPSC,
per the contract I am providing the attached documentation as verification of illness. I have not seen a doctor recently for this previously diagnosed chronic condition, nor is a visit for recurrence of my condition allowed under my healthcare. Neither have I a prescription to show, as my condition is treated with OTC medicines.
Therefore, please find attached a date-time-stamped closeup photograph of my flaming hemorrhoids and another of my rampant jock-itch which together combine to disallow me to sit for over 30 minutes. The white powder is Gold-Bond, highly recommended BTW.

Best regards,
"FTB"