A drunk comes home after a long night of drinking as he does every night.

His wife hears him on the porch fumbling with his keys and flings open the door ready to begin her nightly rant. He stands before her with his keys in one hand and a duck under his arm.

He says, "This is the pig I've been screwing".

His wife replies, "You stupid drunk, that's not a pig, it's a duck".

He says, "I was talking to the duck".