So I don't always tell the passengers goodbye, but here's why.


I fly a DC-9 with a CRJ200 galley. In that galley will be two FAs. Typically one will take position at the cockpit door while the other stands in the galley.

So I need to move them back into the galley, so I stand up. And breath down their necks until they move. Which doesn't always happen, sometimes they stay. But if I can get them to move I now have two FAs in the galley. Which is about the time the caterer shows up and he wants to be not only where they are standing but also where people are exiting.

Which is a problem. Because the place where people are exiting has now been commandeered by cleaners who look as if their lives have been threatened if the airplane is not cleaned before everyone gets off.

So it's crowded. And there's also another problem. According to Jughead when I come out of the cockpit it looks from the back like the 717 cockpit is giving birth to FTB. Complete with some struggling. And I come out head first. I try not to do the breached baby look. You see my shoulders are wider than the door. Which is a common problem if you're over 5'9 on the 717. But it's a big problem for me.

Plus I can't stand up straight in the door way so as people walk up I'm actually hunched over leaning forward towards them. It looks like a dog in a kennel one size to small for the purpose of teaching that dog a lesson. So that means to give everyone some space I need to go the jetway. Where the cleaners are.

And I'm not sure if you folks realize but there's a garage like door on the jetway about four feet from the fuselage. So I need to stand beyond that door area where there's free and open space... But of course that area is already taken by four cleaners and their bags, a mechanic who has shown up hoping there's nothing that needs to be done, and possibly two unattended wheelchairs.

So all I can do is stand right next to the door, which means as people round the corner to leave the airplane they are suddenly greeted by me as if it's the tarmac in Honolulu and I'm going to present them a lay. I'm not. Or I'm there to hold their hand, which they do occasionally reach for as they trip off. But really I'm just there to say thanks for flying with us, but unfortunately I feel as if I jus jumped out of a cake and surprised them:



I think it's better if I just never try.