Your entire online existence is a giant inconsistency and quite pointedly, a lie. You've said that when you took your job in the 757, you couldn't recognize one, that you couldn't have told the difference between a Boeing and an Airbus, that aircraft were quite inconsequential and meaningless to you. You've also told us on numerous occasions that you dedicated your life to flying for the airlines, that it was your dream, your ultimate goal; your loftiest aspiration in life, yet you couldn't recognize the airplane. You remember this, don't you? If not, I'll provide citations. It wasn't that long ago.
You blather on about your indifference to the soul-killing industry, to the futility of aviation, yet you tell us that you carry a packet of resumes in the seat back in your Cessna 150, ready to hand out at a moment's notice, always looking for that aviation job. Here you are, trying to turn others away, and there you are, seeking a way in.
Call it what it really is; a half-hearted failed effort, for very obvious reasons. Then walk away.
You're far too disingenuous in your unending condemnation of the industry, yet your constant pandering and attempting to return. You're like the bad actor that struggles up to a sitting position for the umpteenth time, one finger in the air as if to make a point, who then reminds us in a loud wail "Again, I die!" as you collapse back into your chalk outline on the floor.
You may not have accomplished what you hoped, as thus far the best you've succeeded at doing is turning your tragedy into a roaring comedy. Not that it has a happy ending for you, but it's pretty damn funny.