Thanks everyone for all the great input, I have tried but really can't see a place to put all these awesome buzz words in my resume. However, I have drafted them in my last paragraph of my cover. Looking for any suggestions. Thanks.

In conclusion, as an unconvicted young white male who is currently disease free with no active flare ups, has never been sick, can appreciate a good donkey show or cleveland steamer and who can enhance the mentorship of young boys to wear a double breasted blazer while working in a tight box, I fully believe I can genuinely support management decisions while working for less at the same time being more productive. Thank you very much for your time, I look forward to further discussing my qualifications with you at a later date.

I think I have a great chance, wish all of you luck.