Stop right there....just stop. Nobody on this forum needs advice from a person who became a pilot despite the fact that he hates to fly...then proceeded to demonstrate the emotional maturity of a 12 year old girl...crying at every opportunity about how horrible his life was and unsure what step to take next.

Most of us are grown men and know exactly what we want in life and how to achieve our goals. The last thing we need is "advice" from someone who is as unsure of himself and his life as you are.