You could also make a "Gag ID" Stores like this probably can make such an Gag.
http://stores.ebay.com/oodivision/
EXEMPLAR GAG=RETIRED ID
INSERT AIRLINE INSIGNIA INSERT CURRENT PHOTO
RETIRED CREW MEMBER
NAME
RETIRED (INSERT AIRLINE NAME) CAPTAIN
AIRLINE TRANSPORT PILOT 19XX - 2016
PRIVILEGES: The Owner/Holder of this Credential has been found to have faithfully fulfilled his assigned duties as an Airline Transport Pilot, being licensed under laws regulated by the Federal Aviation Administration.
HOWEVER; IT IS NOW HEREBY DECLARED THAT THE OWNER UPON RETIREMENT;
A) Is No Longer TO BE On or REFERENCED ON ANY Crew List or Crew Call- Out List;
B)
Is now subject to ALL Regular and Extended Times of Unscheduled and Uninterrupted Sleep of his choosing and/or in his own bed or other designated location, (i.e. hammock).
C) If desired; Is hereby authorized for the Holder to enjoy, without restriction, the consuming adult beverages while traveling in a Non-Revenue Retired Passenger Capacity. Holder hereby resigns; having to speak publicly via a PA; interacting with any FAA Controller, Company Dispatcher, or any other action that is not undertaken and chosen by the HOLDER'S OWN VOLITION, (while traveling in a Coach, Non-Revenue Status).
SECURITY CLASSIFICATION
THE OWNER/HOLDER OF THIS RETIRED CREDENTIAL IS NOW HEREBY SUBJECT TO ALL TRANSPORTATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION SCREENING POLICIES AND PROCEDURES (HOWEVER ABSURD). THE OWNER IS NOW SUBJECT TO, AND WILL ABIDE BY, ALL INVOLUNTARY INVASIVE BODY SCREENINGS, MOLESTATION(S) AND OTHER MANIPULATION OF ANY BODY PART AS REQUESTED BY ANY TSA OFFICER, WHETHER BY HIS OWN VOLITION OR BY LAW. OWNER IS ALSO HEREBY REQUIRED TO WEAR SOCKS, AND FORM-FITTING PANTS, IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN THEIR POSITION TO PREVENT REVEALING/EXPOSING/ADVERTISING ANY UNAUTHORIZED BODY PART DURING THE MANDATORY BUT VOLUNTARY PARTICIPATION IN THE TSA SECURITY PROCESS.
THE OWNER MUST BE ABLE TO TRAVEL BY COMMERCIAL AIR BY ARRIVING AT THE DEPARTING AIRPORT SO FAR IN ADVANCE HE CAN; READ A HARD BOUND BOOK; EAT TWO SCHEDULED MEALS; AND CONDUCT ALL NECESSARY PHYSICAL HYGIENE PRIOR TO DEPARTURE. OWNER MUST PRESENT HIMSELF AT THE ASSIGNED GATE AND BE READY TO BOARD HIS DEPARTING FLIGHT AT LEAST 30 MINUTES PRIOR TO THE TIME OF DEPARTURE.
EXPIRATION: NO EXPIRATION DATE UNTIL RESIGNED OR REVOKED.
This Credential affords the OWNER no additional privileges, opportunity, relief from any law or passage, access to
ANY SIDA OR RESTRICTED AREAS or other areas reserved for, or frequented by, the poor overworked crew members he depended on during his career as an Airline Transport Pilot and any other position held and or licensed by the FAA.
CONGRATULATIONS AND WISING YOU A LONG AND PROSPEROUS RETIREMENT. YOU EARNED IT!