wannabe1305

Hello everyone, been a little while since I have posted on here but I have had quite an interesting year. The question that I posted in my subject line is one of the most pressing questions I am dealing with at the moment due to life circumstances that constantly come up. Please, anyone that is willing to chime in give me your advice and wisdom, anything will help.

So I just turned 29, and I still have not been able to complete even my private. This isn't due to laziness, rather it is because of uncontrollable medical issues that seem to always get in my way. I will briefly list each medical issue that has come up below for consideration. My problem is that now I just wonder if I am wasting my time daydreaming about making a career as a pilot. This desire has almost become an obsession at this point, probably due to the "you always want what you cannot have" principle. I am really trying to get some perspective here to help me make the next decision concerning the direction that I take my life.

So here is a brief summary of my medical issues that have come up:

-In 2013 I failed the color vision portion of my medical, therefore placing a restriction 'not valid for night flying' on my medical card, I was able to complete the OCVT and MFT in 2014, permanently removing this restriction.

-Earlier this year, while driving a truck OTR in an effort to save the money required for flight training, I collapsed onto the floor and was rushed to the ER. I had perforated my small intestines and gone into septic shock, caused by what I would later learn was an undiagnosed condition called Crohn's disease. I spent from February until about the end of June in different hospitals with about a week gap between each admission, one admission was due to another intestinal perforation/septic shock, and the others were related to surgical complication, and I have almost passed away 6 times this year. Been a rough one....

So, am I obsessing about something that is an impossibility for myself? Is it even worth everything I am going through just to make a career as a pilot? Do you think that perhaps I just want this so bad because I have been unable to obtain it?

Sorry for the long post, I am just at the next decision point in my life and I am seeking guidance about what to do next.

Any help is welcome!

Thanks.