I was worried that would come up. "You're quitting because of your girlfriend blah blah blah."
No no no. Our conversation sparked my curiosity, but at no point did she suggest I should quit. Quite the contrary. When I first told her I had doubts, she said I should stick with it anyway. She told me "this is your dream, go for it no matter what!" She promised we'd Skype and call and that money isn't important to her, basically I would have her unconditional support.
My parents said the same. They have always supported me, and couldn't believe I might want to rethink this. The debt doesn't even seem to bother them as much as it bothers me, although it will be my debt and not theirs. They say "oh, you'll pay it off eventually, just go for it!"
So I would say this decision has been mine and mine alone. And I don't even fully know why I suddenly have such a strong change of heart. Like I said, it's like my brain broke.
And how come when wannabe pilots like myself complain about the time away from home senior pilots say "the family doesn't mind it so much" and "My wife is strong/independent etc..."
What about you? Pilots always say "my family can deal with it" but can you? It's less that i'm worried my family will miss me, more that i'm worried I will miss my family. Maybe i'm just a sentimental wuss, i don't know.
I currently have two days in my schedule when I don't see my family, starting Tuesday morning and i'm back Wednesday night. I get home around 11 Wednesday night, and I actually wake my parents up so we can talk. They like it too, but it was my idea. And this is just two days. I went to boy scout camp when I was a young teen, and it was over my birthday week. I thought it'd be no problem, but my birthday came and I cried. I just wanted to be home that day, not at camp. Of course, people can change, but I guess I really like being with family.
I'm sharing some pretty personal stuff here, and it really makes me look weak for sure. eh, it's all part of my existential crisis. I guess strangers on the internet can't hurt me. Fire away if you must.