A couple of points I'd like to add to the mix.

I feel that I get to spend more quality time with my family as an airline pilot than I would with a regular 9-5. Instead of only being able to give my family a few hours of attention after a long day at work, I can give my family my undivided attention for several days in a row. Sure, holidays and birthdays will be missed. But for me, I feel that the tradeoff is worth it. I consistently have 15 or more days off a month. That sure beats 4 weekends and a few hours after work in my opinion.

You mention that the pilot wives forums startled you the most.
It's true, it takes a certain kind of a wife to be able to handle the lifestyle. When I met my wife, the airlines really wasn't on my radar. I had a small aviation business that kept me home at night. With her support we decided to give the 121 world a try. If it didn't suit us as a family unit, I could always leave it and find other flying jobs that better suited the family. As it turns out, we are very happy with the 121 lifestyle (I honestly thought being away from home for stretches at a time would be tougher on me that it really is, and I'm a dreaded commuter!). The reason you find these support groups is that this industry is unique in many ways. My wife likens it somewhat to being a military spouse. We don't live the normal lifestyle where we get to see friends and family on certain holidays or weekends. and that can be hard to constantly explain to "civilians". These "support" groups exist because like minded wives can get together and vent frustrations that normal people just can't relate to. Or just go to Disney World together on a Wednesday like my wife recently did.

With that said. If you have serious enough doubts, maybe it's not for you. But if you keep finding that you look to the sky every time an airplane goes by, then you might do better taking a slow career progression towards the airlines by ways of an engineering job.

Just a couple of thoughts...